MOSCOW — In a shocking revelation that has left Kremlin watchers and geopolitical analysts reeling, Russian President Vladimir Putin admitted in a recent interview that he gets all of his political news from Twitch streamer Asmongold’s reaction videos.
“Why would I waste time with CNN, BBC, or even Russian state media when I can get everything I need from a guy eating takeout while breaking down the news?” Putin stated during a televised address. “Asmongold has the best takes. He’s honest, unfiltered, and he understands the plight of the common man — much like myself.”
The unexpected disclosure has raised concerns among intelligence agencies, who now fear that the fate of global stability may hinge on the opinions of a man known primarily for reacting to MMO patch notes. Sources inside the Kremlin report that Putin has spent entire cabinet meetings watching Asmongold’s latest breakdowns of U.S. political scandals, often pausing to take notes before issuing directives.
“Asmongold said the U.S. Congress is basically a circus and that democracy is just a bad MMO with pay-to-win mechanics,” Putin explained. “This insight was invaluable in shaping my foreign policy strategy.”
While many expected Russia’s leader to rely on a network of intelligence officers and carefully curated propaganda, experts now believe Putin’s geopolitical maneuvering is directly influenced by whatever video appears on his recommended feed.
“It appears that Russia’s next economic reforms may depend on whether Asmongold decides to watch a 45-minute breakdown of late-stage capitalism,” said Professor Irina Belikov, a Moscow-based political analyst. “This is… concerning.”
Western leaders have struggled to respond to the revelation. White House press secretary Karine Jean-Pierre, upon hearing the news, was reportedly forced to Google “who is Asmongold.” Meanwhile, the CIA has allegedly begun monitoring the streamer’s content in case he inadvertently leaks classified geopolitical assessments.
In response to the controversy, Asmongold himself took to Twitch to address the situation. “Dude, this is crazy. Putin watches my videos? That’s wild,” he said before taking a sip of Diet Coke. “But listen, if he’s watching this right now—hey, man, maybe chill a bit on the whole world domination thing, alright? Also, Shadowlands sucked.”
At press time, Putin was seen angrily downvoting a video titled “Why Russia’s Economy is Doomed – A Reaction”, declaring it “Western propaganda,” before clicking on a suggested video titled “Top 10 Times Streamers Owned Libs.”
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