The Fraudulent Times – Deception You Can Depend On
-
WOTC Executes Brilliant Money-Saving Strategy: Aetherdrift
RENTON, WA — Wizards of the Coast (WOTC) has once again proven its business acumen by unveiling its newest cost-saving initiative for consumers: Aetherdrift, a revolutionary Magic: The Gathering product so profoundly unappealing that players will effortlessly retain their money by choosing not to buy it. “We’re always looking for innovative ways to enhance our…
-
Local Facebook Hero Courageously Declares McDonald’s ‘Not Gourmet,’ Shocks Community
SPRINGFIELD, IL — In a stunning act of bravery that has left the internet reeling, local Facebook user Kevin Dunlap took to social media Wednesday to make a shocking confession: McDonald’s is not, in fact, gourmet cuisine. “I just have to say it,” Dunlap wrote in his 367-word status update. “McDonald’s is fine for a…
-
Investigative Report Reveals Boris Johnson Is Just Donald Trump on a Windy Day
London, UK—In an unprecedented investigative report, journalists have unveiled that former UK Prime Minister Boris Johnson is, in fact, former US President Donald Trump experiencing a particularly unfortunate hair day. This revelation has sent shockwaves through political circles on both sides of the Atlantic.en.wikipedia.org+2en.wikipedia.org+2en.wikipedia.org+2 For years, political analysts have noted the striking similarities between Johnson…
-
Putin Admits He Gets All Political News From Asmongold Reaction Videos
MOSCOW — In a shocking revelation that has left Kremlin watchers and geopolitical analysts reeling, Russian President Vladimir Putin admitted in a recent interview that he gets all of his political news from Twitch streamer Asmongold’s reaction videos. “Why would I waste time with CNN, BBC, or even Russian state media when I can get…
-
THIS JUST IN: Orange Man Declares Himself Greater Than George Washington, Abraham Lincoln, and Possibly God
MAR-A-LAGO, FL — In a stunning display of humility, former President Donald J. Trump announced today that he is “far and away” superior to both George Washington and Abraham Lincoln, citing his “unbelievable” poll numbers, “perfect” presidency, and his self-proclaimed ability to cut down a cherry tree but still deny it. “Look, Washington? Great guy,…
-
“Bona Fide Academic” Flexes His Intellectual Superiority by Deferring to the “Experts”
CAMBRIDGE, MA — Local professor Dr. Jonathan Pembroke, an esteemed scholar with an impressive tenure at Northridge University, demonstrated his towering intellectual prowess yet again this week by masterfully refusing to have an opinion, instead choosing to “defer to the experts.” “In today’s world, with so much misinformation, it’s important to listen to those who…
-
AI Can Now Outsmart Humans in Chess, Medicine, and Coding—But Jack from Facebook Demands It First Prove It Can Spell ‘Restaurant’ Without Help
MENLO PARK, CA—After a week of headlines touting artificial intelligence’s latest triumphs over human intelligence in chess, medicine, and software development, one skeptical Facebook commenter, Jack Wilkinson, 43, has stepped forward to demand an even greater test: spelling the word “restaurant” without autocorrect assistance. “Look, I don’t care if your fancy computer can find a…
-
“Here in My Bankruptcy”: Tai Lopez Teaches You How to Fail Up
Self-Proclaimed Business Guru Now Selling ‘The 67 Steps to Losing Millions’ LOS ANGELES—Infamous Lamborghini enthusiast and self-help connoisseur Tai Lopez has unveiled his latest revolutionary course, “The 67 Steps to Losing Millions and Still Flexing Like a Boss.” Lopez, best known for his “Here in my garage” ad—where he stood next to a rented Lambo…
-
Orange Man Fails to Sell Out National Resources—Analysts Question His Commitment to Corruption
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a shocking departure from standard operating procedure, President Donald Trump has reportedly not signed a lucrative mineral rights deal that would have sold off vast reserves of rare earth elements to a foreign conglomerate. The move—or rather, lack thereof—has stunned political observers, who long assumed he would eagerly exchange America’s subterranean…
Got any book recommendations?
English