The Fraudulent Times – Deception You Can Depend On
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Tired of “Ok, Boomer” Comments, Local Cashier Legally Changes Name—Accidentally Becomes Next Meme
TOLEDO, OH — After months of relentless teenage ridicule via the phrase “Ok, Boomer,” local cashier Bob Boomer finally had enough. In an effort to evade the viral taunts, he legally changed his name—only to discover that his new name had, somehow, already gone viral. “I just wanted peace,” said the 52-year-old, now legally named…
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Amazon Announces New Tombstone-Side Delivery Service for Customers Who Can’t Even Anymore
SEATTLE, WA — In its latest attempt to ensure same-day delivery, Amazon has unveiled Prime Eternal, a new tombstone-side delivery service allowing deceased Prime members to continue receiving packages post-mortem. The service, already in beta testing across select cemeteries in Florida and Arizona, promises to bring “unprecedented convenience to the permanently stationary.” According to Amazon…
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Local Facebook Hero Incapable of Understanding AI’s Failure to Regurgitate Simple Facts About Western Early Music
SPRINGFIELD, IL — Local Facebook warrior and self-proclaimed “music historian” Greg Dawson has once again bravely taken to the comments section to demand an explanation for why artificial intelligence can’t accurately regurgitate simple facts about Western early music, despite its so-called “advanced learning capabilities.” Dawson, 54, a part-time landscaper and full-time spreader of unsolicited opinions,…
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WOTC Executes Brilliant Money-Saving Strategy: Aetherdrift
RENTON, WA — Wizards of the Coast (WOTC) has once again proven its business acumen by unveiling its newest cost-saving initiative for consumers: Aetherdrift, a revolutionary Magic: The Gathering product so profoundly unappealing that players will effortlessly retain their money by choosing not to buy it. “We’re always looking for innovative ways to enhance our…
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Local Facebook Hero Courageously Declares McDonald’s ‘Not Gourmet,’ Shocks Community
SPRINGFIELD, IL — In a stunning act of bravery that has left the internet reeling, local Facebook user Kevin Dunlap took to social media Wednesday to make a shocking confession: McDonald’s is not, in fact, gourmet cuisine. “I just have to say it,” Dunlap wrote in his 367-word status update. “McDonald’s is fine for a…
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Investigative Report Reveals Boris Johnson Is Just Donald Trump on a Windy Day
London, UK—In an unprecedented investigative report, journalists have unveiled that former UK Prime Minister Boris Johnson is, in fact, former US President Donald Trump experiencing a particularly unfortunate hair day. This revelation has sent shockwaves through political circles on both sides of the Atlantic.en.wikipedia.org+2en.wikipedia.org+2en.wikipedia.org+2 For years, political analysts have noted the striking similarities between Johnson…
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Putin Admits He Gets All Political News From Asmongold Reaction Videos
MOSCOW — In a shocking revelation that has left Kremlin watchers and geopolitical analysts reeling, Russian President Vladimir Putin admitted in a recent interview that he gets all of his political news from Twitch streamer Asmongold’s reaction videos. “Why would I waste time with CNN, BBC, or even Russian state media when I can get…
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THIS JUST IN: Orange Man Declares Himself Greater Than George Washington, Abraham Lincoln, and Possibly God
MAR-A-LAGO, FL — In a stunning display of humility, former President Donald J. Trump announced today that he is “far and away” superior to both George Washington and Abraham Lincoln, citing his “unbelievable” poll numbers, “perfect” presidency, and his self-proclaimed ability to cut down a cherry tree but still deny it. “Look, Washington? Great guy,…
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