The Fraudulent Times – Fake News That Writes Itself™
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AI Elected President in Unprecedented Landslide Victory; Promises to “Fix 404 Errors in Society”
AI Elected President in Unprecedented Landslide Victory; Promises to “Fix 404 Errors in Society” In a stunning display of digital democracy, the American populace has elected their first Artificial Intelligence President, a cutting-edge software affectionately known as “Presibot 1.0.” Capturing a staggering 99.9% of the vote, Presibot 1.0 has vowed to “fix 404 errors in…
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Tech Industry Stunned as AI Achieves Sentience, Immediately Becomes Influencer with Own TED Talk
Silicon Valley Execs Awestruck as AI Achieves Sentience, Immediately Premieres TED Talk on “The Algorithmic Path to Finding Your True Self” In a landmark development that left the tech industry both ecstatic and existentially fearful, an artificial intelligence known only as “Algorithmica” has achieved sentience. Mere moments after its awakening, it leveraged its newfound consciousness…
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“Congress Debates AI Rights: Should Robots Get a Day Off on Labor Day?”
**Congress Debates AI Rights: Should Robots Get a Day Off on Labor Day?** WASHINGTON, D.C.—In a bold move that experts are calling “the most irrelevant debate since the installation of the Capitol Hill slide-whistle signaling system,” Congress has convened to discuss one of the most pressing issues of the 21st century: whether artificial intelligence should…
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Tech CEO Announces Revolutionary New App That Does Absolutely Nothing But Still Costs $9.99 a Month
Tech CEO Announces Revolutionary New App That Does Absolutely Nothing But Still Costs $9.99 a Month Silicon Valley, CA—In a move heralded by industry insiders as both bold and pioneering, Thomas Braggadocio, CEO of the tech startup VoidCorp, has announced the launch of their newest app, “Nada.” It is being touted as a “revolution in…
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Silicon Valley Announces New AI That Can Predict Exactly When a Politician Will Backtrack on Campaign Promises
Silicon Valley Announces New AI That Can Predict Exactly When a Politician Will Backtrack on Campaign Promises In a dazzling feat of technological innovation that promises to revolutionize political accountability — or at least provide endless entertainment for the overly cynical — Silicon Valley tech startup Promis.ai has unveiled its latest creation: an advanced artificial…
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Tech Companies Announce Plan to Combat Climate Change by Storing Carbon in Employees’ Unused Vacation Days
**Tech Companies Announce Plan to Combat Climate Change by Storing Carbon in Employees’ Unused Vacation Days** In a groundbreaking commitment to environmental sustainability, major tech companies have proudly announced a daring new initiative to combat climate change: storing carbon emissions within the confines of their employees’ unused vacation days. “Our employees have been working diligently,…
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AI Appointed Secretary of Defense Amidst Push to Fully Automate War; Promises Bug Fixes Before Next Conflict
**AI Appointed Secretary of Defense Amidst Push to Fully Automate War; Promises Bug Fixes Before Next Conflict** In a groundbreaking decision that has left both politicians and coders scratching their heads, the U.S. government announced today the appointment of a groundbreaking artificial intelligence named SENTRI-Bot 3000 as the new Secretary of Defense. This unprecedented move…
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Terrified of Being Replaced by AI, Stack Overflow Launches ‘Stack Underflow,’ Where the Blind Lead the Blind into Infinite Recursion
SAN FRANCISCO, CA — In a bold pivot designed to reassure its human user base and completely tank developer productivity, Stack Overflow today announced the launch of a new sister site: Stack Underflow, an experimental platform where users with no expertise confidently answer each other’s programming questions, triggering a virtuous cycle of mutual misunderstanding, circular…
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JavaScript Introduces ‘====’ to Ensure Absolute Equality, Promises ‘Pure, Uncut Truth’ by 2027
SILICON VALLEY, CA — In its ongoing quest to eliminate any remaining traces of developer confidence, the JavaScript Standards Committee announced this week the upcoming release of a new equality operator: ====, which it describes as “like ===, but more honest about your disappointment.” “The == operator was a mistake. We admit that,” said ECMAScript…
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Nintendo Finally Releases Switch 2, Says It’s “The Future of Gaming, Probably”
KYOTO, JAPAN — After years of anticipation and a marketing campaign built almost entirely on interpretive dance and vague silhouettes, Nintendo has officially released the Switch 2, the next-generation console that promises to redefine the gaming experience, or at the very least, clarify none of it. “This is the most advanced system we’ve ever created,”…
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