Oddity Tech Ltd. Reveals Plan to Hold 2025 AGM on Mars to Accommodate Growing Shareholder Ambivalence

London — In a move described by company officials as “boldly responsive,” Oddity Tech Ltd. announced Thursday that its 2025 Annual General Meeting will be held on the surface of Mars, citing persistent and “deepening” shareholder apathy as the driving factor behind the decision. CEO Barb Coltrane characterized the relocation as “an innovative solution to meaningful absenteeism,” in a press release distributed to increasingly indifferent recipients.

The decision follows a record-low turnout at the 2024 AGM, where only 11 of the 317,000 registered shareholders logged in to the virtual session, with four remaining logged in past the third minute. An internal white paper from the company’s Department of Shareholder Experience indicates a majority of shareholders now experience “hovering indifference,” a phrase coined in a 2023 company-wide sentiment audit after several investors responded to surveys exclusively with the shrug emoji.

Dr. Felix Hovermark, Oddity’s Head of Stakeholder Engagement and Space, described the Mars AGM Initiative as “the next logical escalation in avoiding inconvenient feedback.” Despite technical hurdles, Hovermark insisted, “We believe that by providing an AGM location 56 million kilometers away, we honor the clear preference for distance and disengagement that our investors have consistently demonstrated.”

Planning is already underway for the interplanetary event. The company has allocated a preliminary budget of £240 million for one-way tickets, limited-oxygen amenities, and a tent. To facilitate participation, Oddity Tech has commissioned Tesla-Boeing to design “remote absentee modules,” which will allow shareholders’ avatars to appear as translucent errors on the Martian landscape, occasionally updating with transactional data in lieu of human expressions. When quizzed about whether this would limit voting rights, Oddity’s General Counsel simply replied, “Abstentions will be presumed.”

Additional measures are being developed to ease the burden of involvement. According to Board Secretary Mandy Rhule, “We will issue shareholders commemorative ‘Meeting Not Attended’ badges, redeemable for loyalty points on select telecommunications satellites.” In a pilot test, 98% of surveyed shareholders reported that they “did not notice,” with one respondent describing the badge as “an unmarked envelope I have chosen not to open.”

Investors wishing to submit questions from Earth may do so by etching their query onto a pebble and leaving it in a designated stream before 1 March 2025. Company representatives say they cannot guarantee collection or response, but noted the process honors Oddity’s commitment to environmental stewardship and “ambient engagement.”

As of press time, shares rose slightly, potentially due to algorithmic confusion over the Martian stock exchange’s time zone. “It’s an exciting time for shareholder democracy,” Coltrane observed, emerging briefly from the company’s Disengagement Pod. “We look forward, in whatever sense remains available to us, to this milestone event.”

No further questions were anticipated.