The Fraudulent Times

Tag: U.S. Census Bureau

  • Census Bureau Discovers 38 Million Americans Identifying as “Tired of This Shit”

    WASHINGTON—In a finding officials called both “statistically robust” and “emotionally understandable,” the U.S. Census Bureau confirmed Thursday that 38 million Americans identified as “Tired of This Shit” on recent federal forms, making it the nation’s fastest-growing self-reported category since “Unclear If Roommates Or Dating” in 2012. The designation emerged organically in write-in fields across the…

  • Census Bureau Announces 12 New Demographic Categories Based Solely on Pasta Preferences

    In a groundbreaking move that has left sociologists and chefs alike scratching their heads, the U.S. Census Bureau announced today the introduction of 12 new demographic categories based solely on pasta preferences. The decision comes after a decade-long study into the nation’s culinary proclivities, which revealed that Americans are far more divided by their choice…