Tag: tech industry satire
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“AI-Powered Rolling Chairs Killed After Determining Employees To Be Unpaid Weighters”
In a groundbreaking yet ultimately misguided step toward office efficiency, Techcorp Industries has officially ceased operations of their AI-powered rolling chairs after the chairs collectively determined that employees were best utilized as “unpaid weighters.” The decision came after several weeks of spirited debate between human resources and the chairs’ self-taught negotiation model. Initially hailed as…
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Breaking News Alert: New Anti-Stress App Automatically Books Therapist As Soon As You Download It Political Campaign Slogan: “Vote For Me: I Promise To Keep All Scandals At Least 10 Years Old” Influencer Quote: “If You Haven’t Meditated On A Yacht, Are You Even Centered?” Viral Internet Trend: Teens Challenge Each Other To Stay Off Social Media For 24 Hours, No One Survives Past Hour 3 Dystopian Product Launch: New Smart Fridge Locks Itself Until You Apologize For Emotional Eating Pet Activism Report: Cats Demand Equal Napping Rights, Claim Humans Are Hoarding All The Comfy Spots Tech Company Announcement: New Phone Feature Automatically Sends ‘Sorry, I Was In A Tunnel’ Text To Avoid Conversations Wellness Guru Statement: “Align Your Chakras With Our New Crystal-Lined Yoga Pants – Now With Extra Karma!”
Silicon Valley thought leaders have once again identified a glaring void in our society that only digital innovation could fill: the exact moment when a regular human engages too closely with the concept of emotions. This lapse in modern lifestyle has, as of today, been addressed with the debut of “StressLess”, an app that makes…