Tag: sports humor
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Mysterious College Coach Decides Quarterback Battle By Consulting Ancient Vending Machine Oracle
Middle of Nowhere University, TN – In a move that has left sports analysts and alumni both bemused and intrigued, Middle of Nowhere University’s head football coach, the elusive Coach Jasper “Mystic” Feinstein, has announced that the starting quarterback for the upcoming season will be decided through the guidance of an ancient, coin-operated vending machine…
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Australian Football League Accidentally Legalizes Telepathic Coaching During Press Conference Mishap
Melbourne, AUS – In an unforeseen turn of events, the Australian Football League (AFL) unwittingly sanctioned the use of telepathic coaching techniques during a live-streamed press conference intended to articulate minor rule adjustments for the upcoming season. The announcement stunned both fans and players alike, as the AFL’s Head of Rule-Making and Occasional Cartography, Leonard…
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NFL Implements New Rule Mandating Coaches to Use Only PG-13 Expletives While Mic’d Up
In a groundbreaking move to clean up football’s image, the National Football League announced Wednesday a new regulation requiring coaches to limit their on-field language to PG-13-rated expletives while wearing live microphones. The policy has been warmly received by parents, sponsors, and sitcom writers out of ideas for new content. “We understand the importance of…
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High School Track Star Reclaims Victory by Implementing Intricate Maze from Former Labyrinth Designer Career
WILLOWDALE, OH—Area high school track phenom Nick Chalmers stunned the regional athletic community Thursday evening after integrating a complex, hedge-based labyrinth into the 400-meter relay, drawing on skills acquired during his six-year tenure as “Maze Artificer” at the now-foreclosed Wiltshire Hedge Mazes & Mini-Golf. The event, which began with standard stretching and modestly inspiring pep…
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High School Track Team Implements Bold New ‘Borrow A Rival’s Leg’ Strategy To Secure Victory
SEYMOUR, CT—In a controversial move that has upended local athletics, the Seymour High School track and field team debuted a radical new “Borrow A Rival’s Leg” strategy at this weekend’s regional championship—a tactical innovation Head Coach Blair Fenswick describes as “just good old-fashioned sportsmanship, with a twist.” Eyewitnesses say confusion erupted during the 4×400 meter…
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