Tag: satire news
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School Board Unveils New Policy Requiring Students to Drive Buses in Order to Graduate
Centralville, USA – In a bold educational reform likely to fray the nerves of parents and insurance companies nationwide, the Centralville School Board has decreed that beginning next semester, students must pilot school buses for a minimum of forty hours to receive their diplomas. This radical initiative, according to Chairperson Eliza Flapjaw, is aimed at…
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Pakistani Army Denies Coup Rumors, Confirms Zardari Still Safely Confined to ‘President Simulation Chamber’
Islamabad—In a move to quell escalating rumors of a military coup, the Pakistani Army has assured the public that Asif Ali Zardari remains in perfectly good health within the protective confines of the “President Simulation Chamber.” The state-of-the-art facility, developed with cutting-edge technology but straight out of a vintage sci-fi novel, ensures Zardari experiences an…
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FDA Approves Tentacle-Rabbit Milk After Deciding It’s Technically Not Their Problem
**FDA Approves Tentacle-Rabbit Milk After Deciding It’s Technically Not Their Problem** In a groundbreaking decision poised to shake the dairy industry to its core, the Food and Drug Administration (FDA) has given the green light to tentacle-rabbit milk, a product sourced from genetically engineered mammals that are part lagomorph and part cephalopod. The decision comes…
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New Federal Initiative Launches to Provide Emotional Support to Residents Traumatized by Terrifyingly Ordinary Rabbit
In an unprecedented move heralding a new chapter in public policy, the Department of Urban Wildlife and Emotional Health (DUWEH) has launched a federal initiative aimed at providing emotional support to citizens afflicted by encounters with Gerald, the infamously unremarkable rabbit known for his unnervingly average demeanor. In a press conference held on the White…
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Breaking News: Congress Announces New Legislation to Legalize All Forms of Procrastination Starting Tomorrow Study Reveals 95% of People Now Identify as Introvert When Doorbell Rings Tech Giant Unveils Revolutionary Device That Only Works When You’re Not Looking Viral Trend Alert: Teens Across the Globe Compete in ‘Most Creative Excuse to Not Call Back’ Challenge Influencer Declares: “Waking Up at 5 AM Is the New Sleeping In” Wellness Guru Claims Ultimate Detox Achieved by Simply Staring at Wall for 48 Hours Pet Activism Group Demands Equal Rights for Cats to Run for Office—Humans Worry About Litter Box Legislation Dystopian Product Launch: New Alarm Clock Forces You to Apologize to Yourself for Hitting Snooze Political Campaign Slogan: “Vote for Me, I Only Lie 50% of the Time!” Scientific Study Finds Majority of Americans Believe ‘Quantum Physics’ Is Just a Really Fancy Dance Move
In a groundbreaking reversal that experts say finally recognizes humanity’s inherent love for avoidance, Congress has announced sweeping legislation to legalize all forms of procrastination, effective tomorrow. This unprecedented measure, lovingly dubbed the “I’ll Get to It Eventually Act,” has sent shockwaves through both political and professional landscapes, raising questions about long-term productivity, and ironically,…
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Terrified of Being Replaced by AI, Stack Overflow Launches ‘Stack Underflow,’ Where the Blind Lead the Blind into Infinite Recursion
SAN FRANCISCO, CA — In a bold pivot designed to reassure its human user base and completely tank developer productivity, Stack Overflow today announced the launch of a new sister site: Stack Underflow, an experimental platform where users with no expertise confidently answer each other’s programming questions, triggering a virtuous cycle of mutual misunderstanding, circular…
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