Tag: humorous news
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Underfunded Cybersecurity Task Force Discovers Fast Food Chain Secretly Outsourcing Customer Complaints to Fictional Email Addresses
WASHINGTON, D.C.—After months of exhaustive investigation and exactly zero dollars in additional funding, the National Cybersecurity Task Force announced Monday that it had uncovered Subway’s most creative cost-cutting measure yet: outsourcing all digital customer complaints to fictional email addresses, including “helpful.hamster@freshmail.net” and “manager404@inboxless.org.” “We’d been tracking a suspicious decline in complaint resolution rates among major…
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High School Athlete Exploits Little-Known Loophole In Physics To Win Race Without Touching Ground
MONTGOMERY, AL—Spectators at the regional track-and-field meet were left dumbstruck Friday as local high school senior Marcus “The Floater” Dewberry won the boys’ 400-meter dash in record time, despite his feet never once making contact with the ground. Witnesses report Dewberry, a B-minus physics student and self-identified “gravity skeptic,” hovered three inches above the image…
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Pop Star’s Battle Over Home Gym Plans Uncovers Secret Underground Neighbors’ Council Ruling Entire Neighborhood
In what local officials are calling “the most explosive revelation since that time someone found a secret Hot Topic in a suburban basement,” international pop star Cassie Carrera’s attempt to install a home gym has inadvertently uncovered an elaborate subterranean government operating beneath the tranquil streets of Whispering Pines Estates. Carrera, best known for her…
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U.S. Treasury Announces New $30 Bill to Celebrate Nation’s Love of Complicated Change Calculations
WASHINGTON—Declaring that “mental arithmetic is a uniquely American pastime, right up there with yard sales and refusing to read the instructions,” the U.S. Treasury on Thursday unveiled a new $30 bill intended to honor the nation’s enduring love of needlessly complicated change calculations. “From the corner store debate over a $7.41 total to the tense…
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