Tag: government shutdown satire
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Nation Cheers as Government Shutdown Extends: Finally, a Break from All That Tedious Functioning
Washington, D.C. – The federal government entered its fifth consecutive week of shutdown Monday, drawing spontaneous applause from citizens nationwide who say they are finally enjoying a respite from the burdensome hum of administrative activity. Lawmakers in both chambers remained locked in budgetary gridlock, much to the public’s reported delight, as the absence of functioning…
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Nation Sighs in Relief as Government Shutdown Frees Congress from Burden of Governance
Washington, D.C. – With the stroke of midnight and a unanimous lack of urgency, the United States Congress slipped happily into a government shutdown, welcoming—if indirectly—the sudden liberation from the labor of governance. Lawmakers from both parties collectively exhaled on the Capitol steps, buoyed by the knowledge that, technically, nothing substantive would be expected of…
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U.S. Prepares for Historic Government Shutdown, Markets Consider Cryogenic Freezing Until Further Notice
Washington, D.C. – As negotiations falter on Capitol Hill, the United States is bracing for its first-ever government shutdown projected to last beyond the linear flow of time, while major financial markets have begun drafting contingency plans for voluntary cryogenic suspension until further notice. Officials at the Office of Management and Budget confirmed late Thursday…
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Nation Prepares for Another Round of Budget Limbo as Congress Embarks on Annual Tradition of Blame Roulette
Washington, D.C. – Lawmakers returned from recess this week to commence the revered annual legislative ritual known colloquially as “Blame Roulette,” formally described in Congressional briefings as “the robust bipartisan dialogue over fiscal priorities.” Sources confirm that, with the nation’s fiscal year looming, both chambers have entered the preliminary phase of what the Office of…
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Lawmakers Engage in High-Stakes Blame Game to Determine Who Will Be Saddled with ‘Government Shutdown Hero’ Title
Washington, DC – As federal agencies brace for another looming government shutdown, lawmakers from both parties have entered the final, feverish stage of negotiations to determine which member will be publicly burdened with the coveted and career-threatening title of “Government Shutdown Hero.” The title, granted to the legislator who most visibly stands in the way…
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