Tag: fast food industry
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Vegan Fast Food Chain Accidentally Funded by Meat Lobby, Promises to Introduce ‘Compromise’ Burger
New York, NY – In an unexpected twist in the fast food industry’s ongoing battle for dietary dominance, the burgeoning vegan chain GrassFedDelight has found itself the exuberant recipient of a sizeable investment from the United States Meat Promoters Council (USMPC). The company, known for its meatless menu and plant-positive propaganda, has announced plans to…
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Underfunded Cybersecurity Task Force Discovers Fast Food Chain Secretly Outsourcing Customer Complaints to Fictional Email Addresses
WASHINGTON, D.C.—After months of exhaustive investigation and exactly zero dollars in additional funding, the National Cybersecurity Task Force announced Monday that it had uncovered Subway’s most creative cost-cutting measure yet: outsourcing all digital customer complaints to fictional email addresses, including “helpful.hamster@freshmail.net” and “manager404@inboxless.org.” “We’d been tracking a suspicious decline in complaint resolution rates among major…
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