Tag: environmental policy
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New SXSW Event Lets Attendees Dispose of Free Stuff Directly Into Lady Bird Lake
The South by Southwest Music Conference unveiled its newest sustainability initiative Tuesday, installing a series of pneumatic disposal chutes that transport unwanted promotional items directly from the Austin Convention Center into Lady Bird Lake at a rate of 47 branded tote bags per minute. Festival organizers report the system has already processed over 12,000 stress…
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Congressional Committee Accidentally Approves Bill Granting Land Rights to Genetically Modified Sea Cucumbers With Exploding Anuses
Capitol Hill was thrown into chaos Tuesday after the House Subcommittee on Agriculture, Aquaculture, and Explosive Posteriors inadvertently approved a sweeping bill that extends federal land rights to a recently engineered population of genetically modified sea cucumbers with – according to official language in the text – “regrettably volatile anuses.” The bill, officially titled The…
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EPA Quietly Approves Stomach-in-Mouth Discharge as Renewable Energy Source
WASHINGTON—In a move hailed by vomit enthusiasts and renewable energy investors alike, the Environmental Protection Agency discreetly approved the use of stomach-in-mouth discharge—commonly known as “throw-up”—as a clean, renewable energy source earlier this week. The policy change, buried on page 448 of a 600-page environmental impact report, is already sending ripples through both the energy…
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