Tag: economic satire
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Trader Nostalgically Reminisces About Chaotic Days Before Stocks Became Predictable Again
NEW YORK—With the S&P 500 closing at a tranquil 1.2% above its meticulously pre-programmed forecast for the 13th consecutive month, local trader Kyle Perkins, 41, found himself openly pining for the anarchic glory days when “anything could happen,” recalling with a wistful sigh how Wall Street once oscillated between euphoria and financial apocalypse every 30…
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U.S. Treasury Announces New Initiative to Directly Harness Disappointment from Overseas AI Chip Sales
In an attempt to tap into a previously unexploited national resource, the U.S. Treasury Department Monday unveiled a bold initiative to directly harness the staggering disappointment generated by the country’s declining overseas AI chip sales. Treasury Secretary Janet Yellen described the plan as “the next logical step for American innovation,” after supply chain bottlenecks, rising…
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U.S. Treasury Announces New $30 Bill to Celebrate Nation’s Love of Complicated Change Calculations
WASHINGTON—Declaring that “mental arithmetic is a uniquely American pastime, right up there with yard sales and refusing to read the instructions,” the U.S. Treasury on Thursday unveiled a new $30 bill intended to honor the nation’s enduring love of needlessly complicated change calculations. “From the corner store debate over a $7.41 total to the tense…
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