Tag: consumer devotion
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### Tech “Apple Announces New iPhone That Only Functions if You Assert Its Dominance Over Previous Models” ### Politics “Shocking: Politician Promises to Deliver on Campaign Promises, Causes Widespread Panic” ### Gaming “New Video Game Update Requires Players to Complete Tutorial on How to Waste More Time Efficiently” ### Lifestyle “Study Finds 89% of People Attend Yoga Classes Solely for the Instagram Stories” ### Business “World’s Richest Man Launches New Subscription Service to Teach Millennials How to Give Up Avocado Toast” ### Science “Scientists Discover Parallel Universe Where People Actually Read Terms and Conditions” ### Health “New Diet Trend Encourages Eating Everything in Moderation Except for Common Sense” ### Education “Local School District Implements Revolutionary ‘Teach Yourself’ Curriculum; Teachers Finally Catch Up on Sleep”
“Apple Announces New iPhone That Only Functions if You Assert Its Dominance Over Previous Models” Cupertino, CA – In an audacious stride toward tech supremacy, Apple announced the release of the iPhone Dominate, a groundbreaking model that insists on users proving their undying loyalty and superiority over all previous versions. The announcement was met with…