Tag: Chicago Bears
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Chicago Bears Hire Existentialist Philosopher as Offensive Coordinator, Assert That All Yardage Is Meaningless
Chicago, IL – In a groundbreaking approach to addressing their less-than-stellar offensive performance, the Chicago Bears have appointed Jean-Luc Bouchard, a renowned existentialist philosopher, as their new Offensive Coordinator. In a move that raised eyebrows and skeptical cheers from even their most devoted fans, the Bears have adopted a tactical philosophy that insists yardage, and…
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Bears Backup Quarterback Signs Revolutionary Contract Allowing Pay in Either Cash or Hug Coupons
Chicago, IL – In an unprecedented move that experts are cautiously hailing as a potential game-changer in the professional sports economy, the Chicago Bears have signed their backup quarterback, Trevor Finkelson, to a contract that allows him to receive part of his salary in “hug coupons” alongside the traditional dollar bills. The Bears’ front office…
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