Tag: bureaucracy
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Scottish Parliament Votes to Keep Death Natural and Bureaucracy-Free
The Scottish Parliament rejected legislation that would have introduced a 47-step application process requiring patients to complete forms in triplicate, undergo psychological evaluation by three separate committees, and wait a minimum of 18 months before accessing assisted dying services. The bill, which had been amended 312 times during committee review, ultimately required patients to provide…
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Judge Ponders New Ruling: Is Listing as Exciting as It Sounds?
In a groundbreaking legal conundrum, Judge Harold Winfield III has been tasked with determining whether the act of listing is inherently more exciting than its critics claim. The case arose after a local community group, The Enthusiastic Enumerators, filed a motion to protect their right to categorize various mundane objects with an enthusiasm that some…
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Politicians Pledge to Speed Up Slow Process of Making Decisions Slowly
In a groundbreaking move, lawmakers have vowed to expedite the notoriously sluggish process of decision-making, promising to complete their deliberations on the matter of accelerating decision timelines by the end of the decade. The decision to hasten the slow process of making decisions slowly was reached after a comprehensive five-year study concluded that decisions made…
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MPs Propose Revolutionary Plan: More Committees to Tackle Committee Overload
In a bold move to address the burgeoning issue of committee overload within the government, Members of Parliament have proposed the creation of additional committees specifically tasked with investigating the inefficiencies of existing committees. The proposal, which has been met with enthusiastic nods and strategic murmurs of approval in Westminster, suggests that the new committees…
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Nation Braces for Chaos as New Leaflet on Etiquette Released
In a move that has sent ripples through the very fabric of society, the National Institute of Etiquette has released a new 74-page leaflet detailing revised guidelines for social interactions, causing widespread panic across the nation. The leaflet, which was quietly distributed to households earlier this week, introduces radical changes including the mandatory use of…
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Government Unveils Plans for World’s Largest Stadium in Middle of Nowhere, Forgets About Roads to Get There
Wyoming Plains – The Department of Megaprojects announced Monday the approval of “The WySphere,” a 300,000-seat multipurpose stadium slated for construction in the center of the American Steppe, seventy miles from the nearest paved road. Officials lauded the development as “a revolutionary commitment to sporting excellence and regional transformation,” though logistical plans have drawn early…
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Germany Introduces New Citizenship Path: 10-Year Pantomime of Proving You’re Not a Time-Traveling Habsburg
Berlin – The German Interior Ministry has unveiled a new pathway to citizenship this week: a decade-long surveillance program requiring applicants to silently demonstrate, through pantomime, that they are not clandestine temporal infiltrators from the defunct House of Habsburg. Officials described the measure as “a necessary evolution in national security frameworks,” following months of closed-door…
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Nation Celebrates as Nepotism Finally Achieves Meritocratic Status with Synchronised Bureaucrat Batch Assignments
Washington, D.C. – In a landmark announcement this morning from the steps of the renamed Department of Equal Outcomes, President Madison P. Maxwell applauded the National Office of Appointments for elevating nepotism to official meritocratic status. The move comes after a five-year bipartisan study determined that synchronized bureaucrat batch assignments, when distributed among interrelated applicants,…
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Stuff happens
Albany, NY – An official report released Tuesday confirmed that, despite months of cautious optimism and robust preventative measures, stuff continues to happen nationwide. The bipartisan Congressional Subcommittee on Unexpected Developments cited 2023’s annual Stuff Assessment as “alarming, but not surprising,” noting a persistent rise in unplanned occurrences across fifteen sectors. Analysts at the National…
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Shit happened
Albany, NY – In a development that officials are calling both “inevitable” and “impossible to fully quantify,” sources have confirmed that shit happened early Tuesday morning in various locations across the region. The incident, initially reported by a series of confused and mildly discomfited residents, has since been acknowledged by municipal agencies and the Governor’s…
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