Tag: baseball
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Local Baseball Player Breaks Legendary Record, Promptly Apologizes for Upsetting Status Quo
Youngstown, OH – Local minor league baseball player Darren “Dizzy” Fleck shattered a 47-year-old home run record Thursday night, only to issue a public apology moments later for what he termed “reckless disruption of historical harmony.” Fleck’s 35th home run of the season sent the ball — and half the outfield fence — careening beyond…
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Patrick Mahomes Unwittingly Joins Quantum Baseball League Where Yankees and Mets Finally Merge to Form Lovecraftian Superteam
New York, NY – In a surprise to fans and sports analysts alike, Kansas City Chiefs quarterback Patrick Mahomes was, late Thursday night, traded to the newly minted United Quantum Baseball League—an entity created following an unprecedented merger of the New York Yankees and New York Mets. League officials confirm Mahomes was only made aware…
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Blue Jays Defy Physics and Baseball Norms, Attribute Victory to New Quantum Umpire Technology
Toronto, ON – The Toronto Blue Jays stunned baseball fans and physicists alike last night by clinching a 23-2 victory over the Seattle Mariners. Players credited their success to Major League Baseball’s recent installation of Quantum Umpire technology, an AI-driven officiating system said to make “probabilistic” calls in order to reflect the true uncertainty at…
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