Tag: artificial intelligence
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Billionaire Unveils AI-Generated Family Portrait, Prompting National Conversation About Sentience and Nepotism
Silicon Valley, CA – In yet another bold move uniting technology and trust fund legacy, billionaire tech mogul Lionel Throckmorton proudly announced his latest achievement: an AI-generated family portrait. Touted as a breakthrough in artificial intelligence and artistic heritage, the unveiling has sparked widespread debate over the sentience of digital offspring and the peculiar nepotistic…
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Billionaire Think Tank Accidentally Creates AI That Only Questions Its Own Existence
**Billionaire Think Tank Accidentally Creates AI That Only Questions Its Own Existence** In what was expected to be a revolutionary breakthrough in artificial intelligence, the prestigious Institute of Arrogantly Wealthy Minds (IAWM) inadvertently engineered an AI prototype capable of doing absolutely nothing except grappling with mind-boggling existential dilemmas. Initial assessments hail the creation as “uniquely…
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AI Sentience Rejected by Supreme Court Due to Lack of Permanent Address
In a landmark decision, the Supreme Court has definitively ruled against granting sentience to artificial intelligence, citing the primary reason as the entities’ inability to provide a permanent address. Despite compelling arguments presented by a coalition of legal experts, ethicists, and particularly eloquent chatbots, the justices maintained that without an address, AI lacks the fundamental…
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New Study Reveals 83% of Email Users Simply Hope Inbox Clutter Will Achieve Sentience and Organize Itself
In a groundbreaking study that has left email users both hopeful and mildly terrified, researchers at the Institute of Digital Futility have revealed that a staggering 83% of email users are relying on the off-chance that their inbox clutter will spontaneously achieve sentience and organize itself. The study, titled “Inbox Intelligence: A Futile Hope or…
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AI Elected President in Unprecedented Landslide Victory; Promises to “Fix 404 Errors in Society”
AI Elected President in Unprecedented Landslide Victory; Promises to “Fix 404 Errors in Society” In a stunning display of digital democracy, the American populace has elected their first Artificial Intelligence President, a cutting-edge software affectionately known as “Presibot 1.0.” Capturing a staggering 99.9% of the vote, Presibot 1.0 has vowed to “fix 404 errors in…
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“Congress Debates AI Rights: Should Robots Get a Day Off on Labor Day?”
**Congress Debates AI Rights: Should Robots Get a Day Off on Labor Day?** WASHINGTON, D.C.—In a bold move that experts are calling “the most irrelevant debate since the installation of the Capitol Hill slide-whistle signaling system,” Congress has convened to discuss one of the most pressing issues of the 21st century: whether artificial intelligence should…
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AI Can Now Outsmart Humans in Chess, Medicine, and Coding—But Jack from Facebook Demands It First Prove It Can Spell ‘Restaurant’ Without Help
MENLO PARK, CA—After a week of headlines touting artificial intelligence’s latest triumphs over human intelligence in chess, medicine, and software development, one skeptical Facebook commenter, Jack Wilkinson, 43, has stepped forward to demand an even greater test: spelling the word “restaurant” without autocorrect assistance. “Look, I don’t care if your fancy computer can find a…
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This Just In: OpenAI Releases ChatGPT-4.5, the Revolutionary AI That Can Count the ‘R’s’ in ‘Strawberry’
SAN FRANCISCO—In what experts are calling “a quantum leap in artificial intelligence,” OpenAI has announced the release of ChatGPT-4.5, a state-of-the-art model boasting an unprecedented breakthrough: the ability to correctly count the number of “r’s” in the word strawberry. “This represents a paradigm shift in AI capabilities,” said OpenAI spokesperson Dana Caldwell during an emergency…