Tag: absurd legislation

New Jersey Legislators Rush to Ban Trees After Local Oak Charged With Assault

TRENTON, NJ — In an unprecedented move, New Jersey legislators convened an emergency session late Tuesday night to pass a bill that would effectively outlaw all trees across the state. The decision follows an alarming incident in the quaint town of Maplewood, where a century-old oak tree was formally charged with assault after allegedly hurling…

August 14, 2025
Congressional Committee Accidentally Approves Bill Granting Land Rights to Genetically Modified Sea Cucumbers With Exploding Anuses

Capitol Hill was thrown into chaos Tuesday after the House Subcommittee on Agriculture, Aquaculture, and Explosive Posteriors inadvertently approved a sweeping bill that extends federal land rights to a recently engineered population of genetically modified sea cucumbers with – according to official language in the text – “regrettably volatile anuses.” The bill, officially titled The…

August 12, 2025

New Jersey Legislators Rush to Ban Trees After Local Oak Charged With Assault