Burger King releases new Nothing Burger™, which is gluten-free, meat-free, and still costs $14.95

Burger King’s latest menu addition consists of a standard sesame seed bun containing absolutely nothing between the two halves, served on a regulation paper wrapper with a side of air and a complimentary napkin that customers have described as “surprisingly substantial.” The Nothing Burger™ underwent eighteen months of rigorous development at the chain’s Miami test kitchen, where focus groups consistently rated the absence of ingredients as “authentically minimalist” and “surprisingly filling when consumed with adequate imagination.”

The sandwich meets FDA requirements for both gluten-free and vegan certification, though the Occupational Safety and Health Administration has launched an investigation into reports of customers experiencing existential dread after consuming the product. Regional manager Patricia Coleman confirmed that drive-through wait times have increased by an average of seven minutes as employees struggle to explain the concept to confused customers. “We’ve had to retrain our entire staff on how to properly assemble nothing,” Coleman said during a corporate conference call last Tuesday.

Early sales data indicates the Nothing Burger™ has outsold the chain’s traditional Whopper by a margin of three-to-one in metropolitan markets, with particularly strong performance among philosophy graduate students and individuals currently experiencing midlife crises. The company’s stock price surged 12% following the launch, though financial analysts remain puzzled by the product’s inexplicably high food costs despite containing zero ingredients.

Burger King plans to expand the Nothing line with additional void-based offerings, including Nothing Fries and a Nothing Shake that will reportedly be served in an empty cup for $8.99. At press time, McDonald’s had announced plans to counter with their own Absence McNuggets, which will contain 20% less nothing than the leading competitor.