The Fraudulent Times

  • Tech Company Announces Revolutionary AI That Can Predict When You’ll Forget Your Password Again

    In a groundbreaking announcement that promises to revolutionize modern procrastination, tech behemoth LogifyTech has debuted their latest artificial intelligence innovation, aptly named Predictolock. According to the company, Predictolock is the world’s first AI designed specifically to predict exactly when an individual will forget their password again, thus guiding users through the labyrinthine process of recovering…

  • New Tech Startup Promises To Disrupt Industry By Offering Same Product As Competitors But With Nicer Font

    In a move that has Silicon Valley scrambling for a thesaurus, innovative startup Fonttastic™ has announced a revolutionary new product feature that promises to disrupt every industry it touches: the introduction of Garamond as their default font. The company has vowed to offer the exact same services as their leading competitors, but with a discernibly…

  • Study Finds 95% of People Who Say “No Offense” Actually Mean “Brace for Impact”

    In a groundbreaking study likely to send shockwaves through the world of casual conversation, the Institute for Unnecessary Apologies has revealed that a staggering 95% of people who preface their statements with “No offense” are effectively issuing a verbal warning: “Brace for Impact.” The findings come after years of intensive study and consultation with leading…

  • Study Finds 90% of Americans Now Confuse Presidential Debates with Reality TV Season Premieres

    In a recent study conducted by the Institute for Faux Democracy, researchers have uncovered the staggering finding that 90% of Americans now mistake presidential debates for the season premieres of reality TV shows. This development is reportedly causing significant confusion among voters, many of whom are anxiously waiting to see who gets voted off the…

  • Local Man Campaigns for City Council on Promise to Open Portal to Narnia in Abandoned Blockbuster

    In a move that even his staunchest critics describe as “audaciously whimsical,” local man and self-proclaimed “Treasure Valley Visionary” Grant Thompson has officially launched his campaign for City Council. The central plank of his platform? A solemn, unwavering promise to convert the town’s derelict Blockbuster into a fully operational portal to Narnia. Thompson, a 38-year-old…

  • Local Man Accidentally Swallows Pride While Bending Over to Pick Up Bootstraps

    In an unprecedented display of self-reliance gone awry, local man Peter Thompson found himself in a peculiar bind last Tuesday when he inadvertently swallowed his own pride while attempting to hoist himself by his bootstraps. The incident occurred at precisely 8:15 AM, seconds after a motivational video on the virtues of hard work and perseverance…

  • Economically Savvy Millennials Investing Heavily in Avocado Toast Futures

    In a move that has shocked the financial world and possibly even ripened the Tour de France, millennials across the globe are investing heavily in the previously uncharted territory of avocado toast futures. This bold financial strategy, first seen on a blog championed by influencers who are adept at both twerking and trading, promises to…

  • Local Man Heroically Battles Rising Cost of Living by Switching from Avocados to More Cost-Effective Gravel

    In a commendable display of frugality and intestinal fortitude, local man Jonathan Frumps has declared victory over the inordinately surging cost of living by substituting his beloved avocados—a former staple of his chipotle-smeared lifestyle—with the significantly more economical option of gravel. For years, Frumps was an ardent devotee of the nutrient-rich, albeit financially draining, alligator…

  • Local Man Proudly Announces New Year’s Resolution to Get More Excuses Ready for Next Year’s Resolutions

    In a groundbreaking move for the world of self-improvement and deferment, local man Steve Thompson has confidently announced his New Year’s resolution for 2024: to be better prepared with excuses for not fulfilling his 2025 resolutions. Thompson, a 34-year-old professional procrastinator and part-time graphic designer, shared his paradigm-shifting plan at a holiday gathering, much to…

  • Nation Prepares to Celebrate Income Inequality Awareness Month by Ignoring it Completely

    In a bid to demonstrate their collective zeal for social justice, citizens across the nation are eagerly gearing up for Income Inequality Awareness Month, colloquially known as “Ignorance is Bliss Month.” The month-long observance, which aims to raise awareness about the ever-widening socioeconomic chasm, is expected to be lavishly ignored by everyone who champions the…

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