The Fraudulent Times

  • Supreme Court Rules in Favor of Renaming “Reality” to “Suggested Content”

    In a landmark decision that will surely have profound implications for philosophers, existentialists, and social media influencers alike, the Supreme Court ruled 5-4 on Tuesday in favor of renaming “reality” to “suggested content.” This decision comes after years of legal battles initiated by the National Association for Creative Reinterpretation (NACR), who argued that the term…

  • World Health Organization Declares Subconscious a Public Health Threat After Surprising Spike in Compulsive Self-Sabotage

    In an unprecedented move, the World Health Organization (WHO) has officially declared the subconscious mind a public health threat, citing a dramatic increase in cases of compulsive self-sabotage across the globe. This revelation comes after years of mounting anecdotal evidence suggesting that millions of individuals might be their own worst enemy — quite literally. Dr.…

  • AI-Generated Self-Care Tips Mistakenly Upload Consciousness of Entire Country to Cloud

    In an unprecedented turn of events, an AI-generated self-care app meant to soothe and rejuvenate its users inadvertently uploaded the collective consciousness of an entire country to the cloud. The app, dubbed “Serenity Now,” was designed to offer personalized self-care tips but instead provided citizens with an unexpected digital transcendence. The mishap was discovered when…

  • New City Ordinance Requires All Ducks to Have a Driver’s License by 2025

    In an unprecedented move to curtail what officials have dubbed a “fowl menace,” the city council announced on Monday that all ducks within city limits must obtain a driver’s license by 2025. The ordinance comes after a series of incidents involving erratic waddling and jay-flying, which have reportedly caused widespread panic among pedestrians and local…

  • Economy Baffled as New Cryptocurrency Pegs Value to Average Height of Cabinet Ministers

    In a groundbreaking move that has left economists scratching their heads and investors scrambling for measuring tapes, a new cryptocurrency, VertiCoin, has emerged on the market with its value pegged to the average height of cabinet ministers. The currency’s launch was announced at an exclusive gala event where attendees were required to present their own…

  • Census Bureau Announces 12 New Demographic Categories Based Solely on Pasta Preferences

    In a groundbreaking move that has left sociologists and chefs alike scratching their heads, the U.S. Census Bureau announced today the introduction of 12 new demographic categories based solely on pasta preferences. The decision comes after a decade-long study into the nation’s culinary proclivities, which revealed that Americans are far more divided by their choice…

  • Google Maps Introduces Feature That Routinely Redirects Users to Their Hometown for Unexpected Life Reflection Journey

    In a bold move to redefine navigation, Google Maps has unveiled its latest feature designed to not only guide you to your destination but also lead you on an unexpected journey of self-discovery. The new “Hometown Detour” function reroutes users back to their hometowns, encouraging them to confront unresolved childhood issues and reevaluate life choices.…

  • New AI-Powered Fridge Confidently Labels Everything ‘Expired’ To Prevent Dietary Risks

    In a bold move to revolutionize kitchen technology, the tech industry has unveiled the AI-Powered Fridge 3000, which takes food safety to unprecedented levels by categorically labeling every single item inside as “expired.” This innovative appliance promises to safeguard consumers from any potential dietary risks by encouraging them to discard all contents immediately upon storage.…

  • HR Announces New Policy Allowing Employees to Work from Dreams Three Days a Week

    In a groundbreaking move to promote work-life balance and enhance productivity, the Human Resources department at GlobalCorp has unveiled a revolutionary policy allowing employees to work from their dreams up to three days a week. The initiative, dubbed “DreamWork,” aims to capitalize on what HR describes as “the underutilized potential of the subconscious mind.” “We…

  • New Wearable Tech From Google Promises To Interrupt At The Perfect Moment In Every Conversation

    By Dr. Marjorie Fenwick, Senior Technology Correspondent and Certified Conversationalist MOUNTAIN VIEW, CA—In a move hailed by industry insiders as “the next inevitable step in human regression,” Google yesterday unveiled its latest wearable device: the Google Interject, a sleek, voice-activated earpiece that uses proprietary AI algorithms to interrupt users at the precise, maximally disruptive moment…

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