The Fraudulent Times

  • Colorado Wildlife Officials Unveil Plan to Rebrand ‘Frankenstein Bunnies’ as ‘Nature’s Little Experiments’

    In a bold move to mend relations with an increasingly aggrieved public, Colorado Wildlife Officials have announced their latest initiative to rebrand the controversial “Frankenstein Bunnies” as “Nature’s Little Experiments.” These creatures, which have long been the subject of local lore and legend, are famed for their uncanny resemblance to rabbits, though some descriptions include…

  • Billionaire Think Tank Accidentally Creates AI That Only Questions Its Own Existence

    **Billionaire Think Tank Accidentally Creates AI That Only Questions Its Own Existence** In what was expected to be a revolutionary breakthrough in artificial intelligence, the prestigious Institute of Arrogantly Wealthy Minds (IAWM) inadvertently engineered an AI prototype capable of doing absolutely nothing except grappling with mind-boggling existential dilemmas. Initial assessments hail the creation as “uniquely…

  • AI Feud Escalates as New Language Model Accuses Its Creator of Plagiarism in Unintelligible Rant

    In a twist of events reminiscent of a sci-fi drama, a recently released language model has accused its own creators of plagiarism, issuing a diatribe so complex and enigmatic that even seasoned cryptologists are scratching their heads. The model, known affectionately as “Speakotron 4000,” was designed with the intention of enhancing human-to-computer conversations. However, it…

  • Pentagon Unveils Revolutionary New Strategy: Cardboard Forts to Confuse Enemy Drones

    In a groundbreaking advance in modern warfare, the Pentagon has announced a new strategic initiative aimed at confusing enemy drones: the construction of intricate cardboard forts. The initiative, dubbed “Operation Box Defense,” is set to revolutionize battlefield tactics by introducing thousands of strategically placed cardboard forts across key military zones. The decision comes after months…

  • Colorado Wildlife Department Announces New Initiative to Teach Tentacled Rabbits the Importance of Boundaries

    In a groundbreaking move that has left ecologists and nightmare fuel enthusiasts in equal awe, the Colorado Wildlife Department (CWD) has unveiled an initiative designed to teach the increasingly elusive tentacled rabbits the importance of personal boundaries. These creatures—scientifically dubbed ‘Squidoscuttlers Lagomorphidae’—have been a source of mystification and urban legend since their first documented sighting…

  • New Federal Initiative Launches to Provide Emotional Support to Residents Traumatized by Terrifyingly Ordinary Rabbit

    In an unprecedented move heralding a new chapter in public policy, the Department of Urban Wildlife and Emotional Health (DUWEH) has launched a federal initiative aimed at providing emotional support to citizens afflicted by encounters with Gerald, the infamously unremarkable rabbit known for his unnervingly average demeanor. In a press conference held on the White…

  • Baptist News Global Accidentally Names Trump As New Testament Character, Sparks Theological Reboot

    In a groundbreaking mix-up, Baptist News Global has accidentally thrust former President Donald Trump into the New Testament, sparking what scholars are dubbing a “theological reboot” across denominations. The blessed blunder has opened a wave of interpretative possibilities, leaving Christians around the world to ponder what a Trumpian Gospel would entail. The error occurred when…

  • University Hopes Renting Stadium Suites for Fantasy Football Drafts Distracts from Missing Library Roof

    In a bid to provide an unparalleled experiential service for fantasy football enthusiasts—and possibly divert attention from a more pressing structural matter—Hartwell University has unveiled an innovative initiative allowing eager participants to rent lavish stadium suites to hold their draft picks. This comes as the university continues to deliberate on the absence of the library’s…

  • Dolphins Offensive Lineman Accidentally Replaces ACL With Non-Fungible Token, Team Unsure of Recovery Timeline

    Miami, FL—The Miami Dolphins are facing an unprecedented medical enigma this week after starting offensive lineman Trent “Big Tuna” Whitley underwent what should have been a routine knee surgery, only to discover that his anterior cruciate ligament was mistakenly replaced with a non-fungible token (NFT) of an animated cat riding a hoverboard. Whitley, widely regarded…

  • Steelers Organize Team-Building Retreat to Teach Aaron Rodgers Proper Usage of ‘Go Sports!’

    In a bold move to promote unity and basic sports enthusiasm, the Pittsburgh Steelers announced this week that they would dedicate their annual team-building retreat to teaching newly arrived quarterback Aaron Rodgers the appropriate context and pronunciation of the phrase “Go Sports!” The decision reportedly came after Rodgers attempted to greet his new teammates during…

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