The Fraudulent Times

The Fraudulent Times – Deception You Can Depend On

Tech Company Proudly Launches New Smartphone Feature That Automatically Apologizes for Dropping Calls

In a groundbreaking development certain to redefine modern communication, mega-corporation TechnoTom has proudly unveiled its newest smartphone feature: AutoApology. The feature, seamlessly integrated into the latest iteration of their flagship phone, promises to revolutionize customer satisfaction by taking full responsibility for every dropped call, thus sparing users the tedious task of apologizing to family members,…

July 28, 2025
Tech Company Announces Revolutionary New Device That Sends Texts Directly to Your Brain, Bypassing Annoying Human Interaction

In a bold move that promises to redefine the social landscape as we know it, breakthrough tech company SynapticTribe has unveiled a pioneering new device that sends texts directly to users’ brains, eliminating the tiresome chore of human interaction. Dubbed the iSync, the state-of-the-art neural gadget fits snugly behind the ear, where it seamlessly intercepts…

July 28, 2025
Tech Company Announces Revolutionary AI That Can Predict When You’ll Forget Your Password Again

In a groundbreaking announcement that promises to revolutionize modern procrastination, tech behemoth LogifyTech has debuted their latest artificial intelligence innovation, aptly named Predictolock. According to the company, Predictolock is the world’s first AI designed specifically to predict exactly when an individual will forget their password again, thus guiding users through the labyrinthine process of recovering…

July 28, 2025
New Tech Startup Promises To Disrupt Industry By Offering Same Product As Competitors But With Nicer Font

In a move that has Silicon Valley scrambling for a thesaurus, innovative startup Fonttastic™ has announced a revolutionary new product feature that promises to disrupt every industry it touches: the introduction of Garamond as their default font. The company has vowed to offer the exact same services as their leading competitors, but with a discernibly…

July 28, 2025
Study Finds 95% of People Who Say “No Offense” Actually Mean “Brace for Impact”

In a groundbreaking study likely to send shockwaves through the world of casual conversation, the Institute for Unnecessary Apologies has revealed that a staggering 95% of people who preface their statements with “No offense” are effectively issuing a verbal warning: “Brace for Impact.” The findings come after years of intensive study and consultation with leading…

July 28, 2025
Study Finds 90% of Americans Now Confuse Presidential Debates with Reality TV Season Premieres

In a recent study conducted by the Institute for Faux Democracy, researchers have uncovered the staggering finding that 90% of Americans now mistake presidential debates for the season premieres of reality TV shows. This development is reportedly causing significant confusion among voters, many of whom are anxiously waiting to see who gets voted off the…

July 28, 2025
Local Man Campaigns for City Council on Promise to Open Portal to Narnia in Abandoned Blockbuster

In a move that even his staunchest critics describe as “audaciously whimsical,” local man and self-proclaimed “Treasure Valley Visionary” Grant Thompson has officially launched his campaign for City Council. The central plank of his platform? A solemn, unwavering promise to convert the town’s derelict Blockbuster into a fully operational portal to Narnia. Thompson, a 38-year-old…

July 28, 2025
Local Man Accidentally Swallows Pride While Bending Over to Pick Up Bootstraps

In an unprecedented display of self-reliance gone awry, local man Peter Thompson found himself in a peculiar bind last Tuesday when he inadvertently swallowed his own pride while attempting to hoist himself by his bootstraps. The incident occurred at precisely 8:15 AM, seconds after a motivational video on the virtues of hard work and perseverance…

July 28, 2025
Economically Savvy Millennials Investing Heavily in Avocado Toast Futures

In a move that has shocked the financial world and possibly even ripened the Tour de France, millennials across the globe are investing heavily in the previously uncharted territory of avocado toast futures. This bold financial strategy, first seen on a blog championed by influencers who are adept at both twerking and trading, promises to…

July 28, 2025
Local Man Heroically Battles Rising Cost of Living by Switching from Avocados to More Cost-Effective Gravel

In a commendable display of frugality and intestinal fortitude, local man Jonathan Frumps has declared victory over the inordinately surging cost of living by substituting his beloved avocados—a former staple of his chipotle-smeared lifestyle—with the significantly more economical option of gravel. For years, Frumps was an ardent devotee of the nutrient-rich, albeit financially draining, alligator…

July 28, 2025

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