Gristwood, MA – In a move heralded by some as a triumph of civic regulation, the Gristwood City Council has unanimously passed a local witchcraft ordinance requiring all vendors at the annual Bizarre Bazaar to submit their magic wands for licensing inspection. The ordinance, effective immediately, aims to ensure magical practices within town limits adhere to a newly established Arcane Code of Conduct.
“The safety of our citizens is paramount,” declared Councilwoman Margery Pencastle, emphasizing her dedication to the oversight of supernatural commerce. “We cannot allow unlicensed magical activities to jeopardize public peace and prosperity.” Pencastle noted the ordinance comes in response to an alarming increase in errant spell-casting incidents at past bazaars, most notably the 2021 incident where a minor hex inadvertently turned the town’s water supply into lukewarm chamomile tea.
This unprecedented regulation demands that all witches, warlocks, and other vendors of mystical merchandise submit their magic wands for detailed inspection by the newly formed Committee of Mystical Safety and Regulation. Leading this charge is Aldous Niddledink, self-appointed Chief Enchanter, who brings with him years of experience as a professional illusionist and amateur stamp collector. “We’re not looking to stifle creativity,” Niddledink assured at a press conference, “but we must ensure these wands meet the minimum safety enchantments and adhere to our very comprehensive 162-page documentation.”
Critics of the ordinance argue that this oversight reeks of unnecessary bureaucracy and intrusive governance. Local business owner and necromancer Eris Grimbleck questioned the practicality of enforcing such a decree. “Are we to assume all magic wands operate on the same principles?” she questioned while idly summoning spectral rodents to mop her floors. “The nuances of Byronic Hex Theory alone would render this license check laughable.”
Meanwhile, ordinary Gristwood residents have expressed mixed feelings about the new ordinance. Gerald Fuddle, a local carpenter, admitted he initially supported the initiative as a sensible preventive measure. However, he found himself inadvertently ensnared by the legislation when his measuring tape, possessed by what officials deemed a “grotesque level of thaumaturgical residue,” was detained in a routine magical sweep.
Nonetheless, the city council remains committed to their new regime of supernatural oversight. An unnamed council insider disclosed plans for further legislation requiring enchanted brooms to meet aerodynamic certification, spurred by recent complaints about traffic congestion on municipal airways.
The Bizarre Bazaar must now adapt to these rigorous new conditions, with the first official wand inspection set to precede the event by three weeks. Vendors, however, remain defiant; whispered plans for an underground spell-casting scene have surfaced, with potential venues ranging from the back rooms of Gristwood’s antique shops to the community center’s enchanted bingo hall on quiet Wednesdays.
In a fitting end to the week’s developments, the Gristwood Meteorological Society reported an unseasonal fog of indeterminate origin settling over the town. Although cloud divination remains inconclusive, some speculate it may be an atmospheric manifestation of the local population’s collective exasperation.
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