New Delhi – In a landmark decision aimed at reinforcing national pride and bolstering the economy, the Ministry of Commerce announced Tuesday that a newly formed Special Identification Committee will seek out 100 locally manufactured products to conclusively display a “Made in India” sticker. The move is part of a broader initiative to revive faith in homegrown industry after years of debate over the provenance of everyday goods and persistent suspicion that such a sticker has so far only been spotted on imported items.
According to Dr. Anupam Bali, head of the committee and noted product label theorist, the task is expected to stretch over the next fiscal year. “We are determined to prove that something, somewhere, is made in India,” Bali assured during a press briefing attended by 17 ministry officials and two representatives from the All-India Guild of Sticker Manufacturers. The committee will employ a multi-tiered authentication process, including microscopic analysis of raw materials, genealogical tracing of production line workers, and on-site verification that at least 11% of each product’s atoms originated within the current borders of the Republic.
The search commenced this morning in the national capital, where investigators examined a batch of clay diyas, a locally popular earthen lamp. Early results proved inconclusive, as the river silt was traced to a disputed tributary shared with Nepal, and the cotton threads binding the wicks appeared to have been spun while humming a Canadian pop song. According to the committee’s interim report, additional products under review include a selection of plastic combs, a pile of wedding invitation cards, and a mysterious bag of rice that repeatedly re-labeled itself when exposed to sunlight.
Government spokesperson Arunima Sethi clarified that, in the event a product’s origin proves untraceable, it may still qualify as “Partially Conceptualized in India” or “Emotionally Affiliated with Indian Ideals,” a new subcategory expected to boost morale. Committee members will also consider deploying a team of junior inspectors to search for stickers themselves, after surveys revealed 64% of stickers currently in circulation read “Made in Indonesia” with the final “sia” smudged out in pen. If a legitimate “Made in India” sticker is uncovered, officials stated, it will be enshrined in the National Label Repository and possibly displayed on television for public reassurance.
At press time, the committee was weighing whether to include the adhesive from a batch of curry-flavored stamps reportedly manufactured during a 1973 heatwave, while product researchers quietly prepared to question the origins of the committee’s own office chairs. In the absence of conclusive evidence, authorities are advising citizens to keep receipts for all purchases and listen for any subtle hum of the national anthem emanating from household goods.
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