In an unprecedented move to address the growing mental health concerns among its employees, the Department of Motor Vehicles (DMV) has installed meditation pods in offices nationwide. This initiative comes in response to what insiders are calling “an existential crisis of cosmic proportions” triggered by the introduction of the new Form 72B-Q9.
The form, which was rolled out last month, has been described by DMV staff as “the bureaucratic equivalent of a Kafka novel.” It requires applicants to fill out 12 pages of information, including their favorite ice cream flavor and a haiku about their first driving experience. While officials maintain that these details are crucial for streamlining vehicle registration processes, employees say it’s pushing them to question not only their jobs but their very place in the universe.
“We’ve hit an all-time low,” said DMV spokesperson Linda Trundle during a press conference. “When our employees started asking ‘What is the meaning of life?’ after processing Form 72B-Q9, we knew we had to take action.”
Trundle elaborated on the decision to install meditation pods, noting that each pod is equipped with ambient sounds such as ocean waves and soothing DMV hold music. Employees can use these pods during work hours to reconnect with what remains of their inner peace.
Dr. Elmer Nimbus, a self-proclaimed expert in bureaucratic-induced anxiety who holds a PhD in filing systems from an online university no one’s heard of, praised the move as “a bold step toward healing.” He further explained that prolonged exposure to complex forms like 72B-Q9 can lead to symptoms ranging from acute nihilism to spontaneous interpretive dance.
“The average DMV employee spends 60% of their day deciphering forms that even quantum physicists would struggle with,” Nimbus said. “If they don’t find a way to decompress soon, we might see clerks spontaneously transforming into Zen monks or worse—politicians.”
Early reports indicate mixed results from the meditation pods. While some employees have emerged feeling refreshed and enlightened, others have simply used them as napping stations or makeshift panic rooms when faced with particularly perplexing paperwork scenarios.
A recent survey conducted among DMV staff revealed that 85% now greet each morning with a sigh reminiscent of a deflating balloon. Meanwhile, 62% have started carrying crystals for “good vibes,” and one dedicated worker was seen trying to divine answers from his coffee grounds.
Despite initial skepticism from taxpayers concerned about funding such initiatives, DMV Director Gertrude Puddle stands firmly behind her decision. “Our mission is clear,” she stated confidently while adjusting her chakra-aligning necklace. “We must support our team as they navigate both traffic laws and metaphysical enigmas.”
As DMV offices continue grappling with the enigmatic Form 72B-Q9, experts agree: it may be just another cog in the machinery of government paperwork—but at least now there’s room for mindfulness among those trapped within its gears.
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