Category: Uncategorized
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Silicon Valley Announces New AI That Can Predict Exactly When a Politician Will Backtrack on Campaign Promises
Silicon Valley Announces New AI That Can Predict Exactly When a Politician Will Backtrack on Campaign Promises In a dazzling feat of technological innovation that promises to revolutionize political accountability — or at least provide endless entertainment for the overly cynical — Silicon Valley tech startup Promis.ai has unveiled its latest creation: an advanced artificial…
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Tech Companies Announce Plan to Combat Climate Change by Storing Carbon in Employees’ Unused Vacation Days
**Tech Companies Announce Plan to Combat Climate Change by Storing Carbon in Employees’ Unused Vacation Days** In a groundbreaking commitment to environmental sustainability, major tech companies have proudly announced a daring new initiative to combat climate change: storing carbon emissions within the confines of their employees’ unused vacation days. “Our employees have been working diligently,…
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AI Appointed Secretary of Defense Amidst Push to Fully Automate War; Promises Bug Fixes Before Next Conflict
**AI Appointed Secretary of Defense Amidst Push to Fully Automate War; Promises Bug Fixes Before Next Conflict** In a groundbreaking decision that has left both politicians and coders scratching their heads, the U.S. government announced today the appointment of a groundbreaking artificial intelligence named SENTRI-Bot 3000 as the new Secretary of Defense. This unprecedented move…
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Terrified of Being Replaced by AI, Stack Overflow Launches ‘Stack Underflow,’ Where the Blind Lead the Blind into Infinite Recursion
SAN FRANCISCO, CA — In a bold pivot designed to reassure its human user base and completely tank developer productivity, Stack Overflow today announced the launch of a new sister site: Stack Underflow, an experimental platform where users with no expertise confidently answer each other’s programming questions, triggering a virtuous cycle of mutual misunderstanding, circular…
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Tired of “Ok, Boomer” Comments, Local Cashier Legally Changes Name—Accidentally Becomes Next Meme
TOLEDO, OH — After months of relentless teenage ridicule via the phrase “Ok, Boomer,” local cashier Bob Boomer finally had enough. In an effort to evade the viral taunts, he legally changed his name—only to discover that his new name had, somehow, already gone viral. “I just wanted peace,” said the 52-year-old, now legally named…
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Amazon Announces New Tombstone-Side Delivery Service for Customers Who Can’t Even Anymore
SEATTLE, WA — In its latest attempt to ensure same-day delivery, Amazon has unveiled Prime Eternal, a new tombstone-side delivery service allowing deceased Prime members to continue receiving packages post-mortem. The service, already in beta testing across select cemeteries in Florida and Arizona, promises to bring “unprecedented convenience to the permanently stationary.” According to Amazon…