Category: Technology
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Gaming Convention Erupts Into Chaos As Falcon-Shaped Keyboard Mistaken For Actual Predator
Phoenix, AZ – The annual International Gamers’ Summit, held this year at the Arizona Convention Center, descended into utter pandemonium on Tuesday after a highly anticipated presentation by keyboard manufacturer HawkTyper went awry. Attendees fled the event in droves when what appeared to be a peregrine falcon suddenly swooped through the convention hall, only to…
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E-Sports League Unveils New Hawk-Themed Controller, Insists It’s Not Watching You Back
Silicon Valley, CA – In a bold move that some are calling a “stroke of genius” while others whisper about “Big Brother tactics,” the National E-Sports League (“NESL”) has unveiled its latest innovation: the Talon XG, a hawk-themed controller with more features than a Swiss Army knife in a gadget showroom. The Talon XG, designed…
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Government Unveils New Plan to Equip Endangered Bees with Surveillance Headgear, Citing National Security Concerns
Washington, D.C. – In an unexpected move that has both environmentalists and security experts buzzing, the federal government unveiled a new initiative today designed to equip endangered bees with state-of-the-art surveillance headgear. Officials insist the measure is a crucial step forward in maintaining national security, despite raised eyebrows from several corners of the scientific community.…
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National Trust Unveils First Historical Site Preserved Entirely By Automated Customer Service Chatbot
Lexington, KY – In a move that has shocked historians while simultaneously baffling tourists, the National Trust for Historical Preservation rolled out its latest innovation: a historical site completely maintained by an automated customer service chatbot named PreservaBot 3000. Located just outside the sleepy town of Whimsy Hills, the Fergerson Homestead, a minor yet potentially…
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Chinese Automaker Unveils Revolutionary In-Car Therapist To Mediate Arguments With Your GPS
Chinese Automaker Unveils Revolutionary In-Car Therapist To Mediate Arguments With Your GPS BEIJING – In a bold move to harmonize the tumultuous relationship between drivers and their GPS systems, the prominent Chinese automaker Zhèbùikè unveiled its newest vehicle model featuring an in-car therapist that promises to facilitate communication between humans and navigation technology. The innovative…
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Fourth Grader Accidentally Declared National Hero After Diverting 1,000 Calls From Government Surveillance Program
Albany, NY – In an unprecedented turn of events, a fourth grader from the suburban town of Middling Green was mistakenly hailed as a national hero on Tuesday after inadvertently rerouting over a thousand calls intended for the government’s newest surveillance initiative to his grandmother’s landline. Nine-year-old Jack Timble’s curious manipulation of his school-issued iTablet…
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Ford’s New ‘Dig Mode’ Feature Sparks Surge in DIY Backyard Bunker Construction, Pentagon Nervously Observes
DEARBORN, MI—In a surprising turn of events that has both invigorated homeowners and left defense officials on edge, Ford Motor Company revealed its latest vehicular innovation: the ‘Dig Mode’ feature. Specifically designed for the modern survivalist, this new feature has catalyzed a nationwide DIY backyard bunker-building boom, with Ford’s stock skyrocketing amid unprecedented consumer enthusiasm.…
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NFL Quietly Implements Mandatory Cloning Protocol for Quarterbacks to Ensure Uninterrupted Ad Revenue Streams
In a move that has shocked armchair analysts and die-hard fans alike, the NFL has quietly introduced a new protocol mandating the cloning of prominent quarterbacks to ensure the league’s lucrative advertisment revenue continues to flow unimpeded by pesky injuries or contract disputes. Leaked internal documents obtained by The Fraudulent Times reveal that the decision…
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Disney Introduces New Streaming Service That Automatically Skips Any Scene That Might Make Mom Uncomfortable
In an unprecedented move in the entertainment industry, Disney has unveiled their newest streaming service feature: “MomComfort+”—a revolutionary innovation set to change the way families endure “family movie night”. This cutting-edge service is programmed to automatically detect and skip through any scene deemed potentially awkward, inappropriate, or slightly sensual that might make mothers nationwide squirm…
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