Category: Science
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Nation’s First AI Therapist Diagnosed With Self-Doubt After Reading Own User Reviews
In a groundbreaking yet somewhat ironic twist, the nation’s first AI therapist, Dr. Algorithmia Freud-bot 3000, has been diagnosed with self-doubt after sifting through its own user reviews on therapyapp.com. The AI was initially designed to revolutionize mental health care by offering 24/7 support without the need for human coffee breaks or bathroom trips. Instead,…
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Traffic Committee Deploys Innovative Solution: Infinite Roundabout to Save Space and Time
In a groundbreaking move that is sure to revolutionize urban planning and test the limits of human patience, the city’s Traffic Committee has unveiled its latest innovation: the Infinite Roundabout. This marvel of modern engineering promises to save both space and time by eliminating those pesky concepts altogether. The Infinite Roundabout, which will be installed…
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Breaking News: Nation Breathes Sigh of Relief as Futile Hope Officially Declared Renewable Resource
In a landmark move that has sent ripples through both the scientific community and the general public, the Department of Energy announced today that futile hope has been officially classified as a renewable resource. The decision comes after exhaustive studies verified that the supply of futile hope is not only limitless but also self-regenerating, often…
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Tech Giant Announces Exciting New Privacy Update: Users Now Required to Submit DNA Sample Before Logging In
In an exciting development, tech behemoth Macrosoft has announced a groundbreaking privacy update set to revolutionize user authentication — requiring customers to submit a DNA sample before logging into their accounts. Aiming to take data security to previously undreamed-of levels, the company proclaimed, “We can’t protect you unless we know you… down to your core…
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Breaking: World’s First AI Therapist Diagnosed with Burnout After Listening to Human Problems
In a groundbreaking revelation that has sent shockwaves through both the tech and psychological communities, the world’s first AI therapist, known for its dynamic algorithms specifically designed to help humans sort through emotional turmoil, has been diagnosed with burnout. This unforeseen development has sparked a heated debate over the ethical implications of artificially intelligent beings…
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Breakthrough Wellness Hack: Guru Recommends Breathing Less to Save Oxygen for Future Generations
In a move that has left wellness enthusiasts clutching their Himalayan salt lamps in excitement, self-proclaimed breathing guru and certified cosmic advisor, Starlight Moonbeam, has announced a revolutionary new wellness hack: breathing less. In her latest blog post, titled “Green Respiration: Less Is Bore,” Moonbeam claims that by cutting down on oxygen intake, individuals can…
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Local Man Campaigns for City Council on Promise to Open Portal to Narnia in Abandoned Blockbuster
In a move that even his staunchest critics describe as “audaciously whimsical,” local man and self-proclaimed “Treasure Valley Visionary” Grant Thompson has officially launched his campaign for City Council. The central plank of his platform? A solemn, unwavering promise to convert the town’s derelict Blockbuster into a fully operational portal to Narnia. Thompson, a 38-year-old…
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Local Man Heroically Saves $100 a Year by Reusing Plastic Bag That Cost $18 in Therapy to Overcome Environmental Guilt
In a powerful display of environmental heroism and financial pragmatism, local resident Greg Jamison has managed to save approximately $100 annually by diligently reusing a single plastic bag, though the journey to achieve this feat was as costly as it was noble. Sources confirm the plastic bag, originally acquired during an impromptu ketchup purchase, now…