Category: Investigative
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Ex-NFL Star’s New Charity ‘Touchdowns for Traffickers’ Raises Funds and Eyebrows
Dallas, TX – Former All-Pro linebacker Mark “Crusher” Callahan unveiled his latest philanthropic venture this week, launching ‘Touchdowns for Traffickers,’ a charity he says is “dedicated to bringing high-scoring support to the world’s most hustling entrepreneurs.” The non-profit, registered Monday with the state of Texas, has already raised over $1.2 million in pledges, according to…
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India Accused of Rigging Coin Toss with Quantum Entanglement, Pakistan Demands Investigation into Schrodinger’s Cricket
London – International cricket was thrown into turmoil on Friday after the Pakistan Cricket Board (PCB) filed an official complaint accusing India of manipulating a crucial coin toss via quantum entanglement. The controversy erupted during the semi-final of the Champions Trophy, after a series of anomalous toss outcomes raised suspicions among rival teams and spectral…
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Outrage as Police Launch Investigation into Comedian’s Joke About Police Investigations
Manchester, UK – A local comedian’s routine has become the subject of official scrutiny after authorities launched a full-scale investigation into a recent joke about police investigations. The incident, which occurred at a sold-out show on Saturday night, has drawn criticism from free speech advocates and has prompted the formation of a specialized 12-person task…
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Marine Life Seeks Legal Representation After Viral Video Sparks Debate Over Crustacean’s Right to Vape
Delaware Bay, NJ – In a precedent-setting move for interspecies legal rights, a coalition of marine animals formally requested legal representation this week following the viral circulation of a video showing a blue crab exhaling a visible vape cloud. The video, originally posted on the social media platform ClawTube under the hashtag #CrabCloudRights, has ignited…
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Local Actor Denies Role in Absurd Plot Twist as Reality Show Scripts Start Mirroring His Own Divorce Proceedings
Albany, NY – Local stage actor Trevor Meyers issued a public statement Thursday denying any involvement in the bewildering series of developments that have seen his private divorce proceedings reproduced, clause for clause, as the headline plot in the latest season of reality television franchise “Marriage Competitors: Upstate Edition.” The controversy began during last Wednesday’s…
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Disgraced Ex-Defense Chief Claims Marine’s Death Was Merely a “Tactical Casualty” in His Personal War Against Accountability
Washington, D.C. – Former Secretary of Defense Martin “Marty” Denholm broke nearly six months of public silence yesterday to address concerns regarding the 2023 training incident involving the late Corporal Garrett Schulte. Amid inquiries into his role, Denholm described the Marine’s demise as “not a loss, but a necessary tactical casualty” in his “ongoing personal…
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Investigative Report Reveals Boris Johnson Is Just Donald Trump on a Windy Day
London, UK—In an unprecedented investigative report, journalists have unveiled that former UK Prime Minister Boris Johnson is, in fact, former US President Donald Trump experiencing a particularly unfortunate hair day. This revelation has sent shockwaves through political circles on both sides of the Atlantic.en.wikipedia.org+2en.wikipedia.org+2en.wikipedia.org+2 For years, political analysts have noted the striking similarities between Johnson…
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