Category: Government
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NASA Confirms Idaho River Actually Massive Chessboard; State Lawmakers Demand New Rules for En Passant
Boise, ID – In a revelation likely to reshape both the fields of geography and indoor recreation, NASA today confirmed that what was previously believed to be the winding Snake River in Idaho is, in fact, a colossal and meticulously crafted chessboard. The discovery has prompted an immediate response from Idaho state lawmakers, who are…
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School Board Unveils New Policy Requiring Students to Drive Buses in Order to Graduate
Centralville, USA – In a bold educational reform likely to fray the nerves of parents and insurance companies nationwide, the Centralville School Board has decreed that beginning next semester, students must pilot school buses for a minimum of forty hours to receive their diplomas. This radical initiative, according to Chairperson Eliza Flapjaw, is aimed at…
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School Board Unveils New Bungee Cord Bus Route Citing Cost Efficiency and Unexpected Thrills
Elgin, IL – In an unprecedented move designed to slash transportation budgets and invigorate the morning commute, the Elgin School Board has taken a daring leap forward with the introduction of its revolutionary Bungee Cord Bus Route. School officials cite not only cost efficiency but also unexpected thrills as prime motivators behind this bold new…
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NASA Unveils New Telescope That Can Only Focus on Student Loan Debt Orbiting Jupiter
Houston, TX – In an unprecedented leap forward in space observation technology, NASA has proudly introduced the latest development in their astronomical instrumentation: a powerful new telescope specifically designed to observe the spiraling mass of student loan debt currently thought to be orbiting Jupiter. The recent unveiling of the telescope, affectionately dubbed “Debt-Watch 2000,” marks…
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UK Treasury Accidentally Pegs Pound to Airline’s In-Flight Snack Prices, Sparks Economic Rollercoaster
London, UK – In a first for modern economics, the UK Treasury inadvertently pegged the British pound to the fluctuating prices of in-flight snacks offered by a major airline. This unprecedented action commenced after an intern mistakenly sent a harmonization request to the International Monetary Confectionary Board instead of the traditional International Monetary Fund. Financial…
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Denbighshire Council Adopts New School Transport Plan Based on Ancient Map of Atlantis
Denbighshire, Wales – In an innovative stride towards educational advancement, Denbighshire County Council has unveiled a new school transport plan modeled after an ancient map of the mythical city of Atlantis. The move, ostensibly designed to streamline school transportation, has already made significant waves within the community and promises to transform the commute of school…
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UK Council Introduces Revolutionary School Transport Policy Based on Ancient Treasure Map Found in Filing Cabinet
Lancashire, UK – In an unprecedented move to revolutionize school transportation, the Lancashire County Council has announced a pioneering new policy inspired by an ancient treasure map recently unearthed from the depths of the council’s own filing cabinets. The map, rumored to date back to the Elizabethan era, details a trail marked with whimsical pirate-themed…
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U.S. Court System Hails Revolutionary Step Backward as Entire Legal Proceedings Transcribed onto Papyrus Scrolls
WASHINGTON, D.C. – In what officials are calling a “monumental leap backward,” the U.S. court system has announced a pivotal innovation in legal documentation: the transcription of all legal proceedings onto papyrus scrolls. This groundbreaking regression is expected to both confuse and delight the judicial community. According to Thomas Inkblot, spokesperson for the National Association…
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Texas Legislature Accidentally Passes Law Requiring All Drivers to Carry Horse-Drawn Carriage Insurance
Austin, TX – The Texas legislature has inadvertently enacted a groundbreaking piece of legislation requiring all drivers within the state to carry insurance for horse-drawn carriages, a development that has left both drivers and equestrians equally bewildered. The legislative slip was reportedly the result of a printer glitch combined with a misplaced semicolon in a…
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Petrified Forest National Park Launches Initiative to Reforest Itself with More Realistic Trees
Holbrook, AZ – In an unprecedented move reflecting a profound commitment to authenticity, Petrified Forest National Park has announced an ambitious initiative to reforest itself with what officials are calling “far more plausible trees.” While some might question the feasibility of reforesting an area famous for its fossilized wood, Park Superintendent Dr. Melvin Hargrave assures…