Category: Events
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Austin to Host Annual Festival; Attendees Required to Wear Dunce Caps, Block Foot Traffic
City officials announced Tuesday that all 47,000 expected attendees of Austin’s upcoming Convergence Arts Festival must don regulation dunce caps throughout the four-day event, with violators subject to immediate expulsion and a $340 fine. The pointed white hats, measuring exactly 18 inches in height, will be distributed at entry checkpoints along with mandatory reflective ankle…
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SXSW Pedestrian Infrastructure Deemed Insufficient for Annual Convergence of People Who Have Never Walked Before
City engineers confirmed Tuesday that Austin’s sidewalk network cannot accommodate the estimated 47,000 festival attendees who appear to have developed bipedal locomotion specifically for their visit to South by Southwest. The crisis became apparent when emergency medical teams reported treating 312 cases of “acute directional confusion” and 89 instances of individuals attempting to hail rideshares…
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