Category: Entertainment
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Astrology App Co-Star Now Available on Android; Instantly Sparks Multi-Platform Existential Crisis
Silicon Valley, CA – In a monumental leap forward for astrological technology, Co-Star, the enigmatic astrological app previously limited to iOS, has finally made its debut on Android devices as of this morning. The long-anticipated release has predictably resulted in a universally disorienting existential crisis spanning across both platforms, according to industry insiders. The app,…
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Co-Star’s Android Launch Allows Users to Finally Blame Retrograde for Forgotten Passwords
New York, NY – In a groundbreaking advancement for astrological accountability, the popular astrology app Co-Star has announced its eagerly anticipated launch on Android devices, offering millions of new users the unparalleled opportunity to attribute their lapses in digital security to the whims of the cosmos. This move marks a significant milestone in the app’s…
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Department of Education Confirms Entire High School Curriculum Now Inspired by Films That Defy Basic Logic
Washington, D.C. – In what is being hailed as a groundbreaking effort to prepare students for the chaotic realities of modern life, the Department of Education announced today that all high school curriculums nationwide will now be rigorously modeled after films that proudly disregard spatial continuity, basic physics, and narrative coherence. “The decision was made…
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Korean Baseball League Introduces New Rule: Teams Penalized 5 Runs If Coach Calls Umpire ‘Lazy Giraffe’
Seoul, South Korea – In a pioneering effort to improve sportsmanship while enhancing the entertainment value of national sports, the Korean Baseball Organization (KBO) unveiled a revolutionary rule this Tuesday. The regulation stipulates that any team whose coach refers to an umpire as a “lazy giraffe” will incur a five-run penalty. This bold move is…
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AFL Accidentally Approves New Rule Allowing Coaches to Score Points by Roasting Their Own Players
Melbourne, Australia – In a stunning procedural oversight, the Australian Football League (AFL) has inadvertently implemented a new rule permitting coaches to score points not through traditional gameplay, but rather through the creative and incisive roasting of their own players. This marks the first time in sports history that verbal dexterity has been equated with…
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Study Reveals 90% of K-Pop Demon Hunter Fans Unaware Actual Demons Now Require Royalties
Seoul, South Korea – In a groundbreaking revelation from the Institute of Pop Culture Paradoxes, it has been reported that 90% of fans of the hit K-pop group “Demon Hunterz” are blissfully unaware that actual demons have unionized, demanding royalties for their portrayal in popular media. This surprising twist has led to a stir both…
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Apple TV+ Price Hike Coincides With Introduction of Revolutionary New Pixel Count in Black Screen Scenes
Cupertino, CA – Apple TV+ subscribers woke up to two surprises this week: a stealthy price increase embedded within their latest billing statements and an exciting announcement of a visionary new viewing experience. Commencing next month, viewers will relish a groundbreaking advancement as Apple introduces an augmented pixel count in its acclaimed black screen scenes.…
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Kim Kardashian Opens Korean Spa Specializing in Rejuvenating Face Leeches and Emotional Bankruptcy
Los Angeles, CA – In a groundbreaking fusion of both cosmetics and desolation, Kim Kardashian has announced the launch of her latest business venture: a Korean spa that combines the age-old tradition of facial leeching with a modern attempt at achieving emotional bankruptcy. Known as “Kardashian’s Kure,” the celebrity’s newest establishment promises clients an invigorating…
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Ex-Presidents Form Underground Barbershop Quartet to Serenade Trade Policy Ambiguities
Washington, D.C. – In an unprecedented move that has puzzled political analysts and delighted fans of a cappella music, all living former U.S. Presidents have reportedly formed an underground barbershop quartet. Their aim: to serenade the gray area of current trade policies. Named “The Harmonizing Statesmen,” the ensemble boasts of an impressive bipartisan lineup, featuring…
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Philadelphia Museum’s New Exhibit Showcases Ethical Dilemma of Displaying Ethics
Philadelphia, PA – In a bold attempt to grapple with the complexities of displaying ethics within an art museum, the Philadelphia Museum of Art has unveiled its groundbreaking new exhibit, “Ethics in Exhibit: A Display of Disarray.” The exhibit has already elicited mixed reactions from both philosophy enthusiasts and unsuspecting school tour groups, blending confusion…