Category: Entertainment
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Sports Analyst Reaches Deep Into Psyche, Extracts the One Comment That Fractures Entire College Football Reality
Albany, NY – In a stunning development with potential repercussions across the nation, sports analyst and self-proclaimed “psychological spelunker” Brian Kerwin announced Thursday that he has successfully extricated a comment from the deepest recesses of his own mind that threatens to dismantle the entire edifice of college football as we know it. Kerwin, a reputable…
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UK Government Accidentally Elevates Netflix Soap Opera to Official Foreign Policy Strategy
London, UK – In an unprecedented move late Tuesday night, the UK government has accidentally adopted the intricate plot of the popular Netflix soap opera “Lords & Liaisons” as the cornerstone of its new foreign policy strategy. Officials allege that a mix-up occurred during a routine clerical swap when an overworked intern mistook the melodrama’s…
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Jeopardy! Contestants Pause Game to Settle Custody Dispute Over Alex Trebek’s Ghost
Los Angeles, CA – In an unprecedented turn of events, last night’s episode of “Jeopardy!” was interrupted as contestants took to the stage to resolve a pressing custody battle that has bewildered the fanbase: Who, exactly, is the rightful guardian of Alex Trebek’s ghost? The dispute began during the second round, shortly after the category…
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Netflix True Crime Series Accidentally Solves Unrelated Murder, Leaves Actual Case Unresolved for Dramatic Tension
Los Angeles, CA – In an unprecedented turn of events, popular streaming service Netflix has inadvertently solved a 15-year-old murder case during the filming of its latest true crime documentary series, all while leaving the crime it set out to unravel utterly unsolved, reportedly for the sake of maintaining nail-biting suspense. The series, entitled “Threads…
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Elon Musk and Kanye West Announce New Joint Venture to Manufacture Celebrity Exes in Bulk
Los Angeles, CA – In the latest groundbreaking business venture combining eccentric genius with unpredictable artistry, Elon Musk and Kanye West have come together to launch a new initiative: the mass production of celebrity ex-lovers. Announced yesterday, the venture, tentatively named “Ex Machina,” aims to streamline the previously arduous process of dating and breaking up…
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Disqualified Golfer Blames Invisible Rule Book Written By Ghost Of Golf’s Past
Nantucket, MA – In a bizarre turn of events at the annual Nantucket Open, seasoned golfer Edward “Eddy” Foresome faced disqualification after attempting to execute a putt using what officials described as “manifestly arcane techniques” dictated by a spectral rule book. Foresome, now notorious for competing under guidance from an alleged ghostly caddie, claims the…
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Netflix Announces New Series: ‘JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure: Tax Evasion Chronicles’ Starring Unpaid Animators
Los Gatos, CA – In an unprecedented move to recapture viewership distracted by both reality and reality TV, streaming giant Netflix has announced its latest endeavor: “JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure: Tax Evasion Chronicles.” The series will purportedly star animators from the original production who have agreed to work on the show for “exposure” and the potential…
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Idaho Locals Unearth Giant Board Game Played by Extraterrestrial Tourists, Prompting Statewide Checkmate Crisis
Boise, ID – In a shocking archaeological discovery that has captivated the nation and baffled scientists, Idaho locals have unearthed what appears to be a massive interstellar board game previously played by extraterrestrial tourists. The centuries-old game board, spanning approximately 200 acres of potato fields, is thought to be a galactic version of chess, prompting…
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Record Labels Demand Royalties After Discovering Hidden Tracks Composed Entirely of Studio Ghosts’ Moans
New York, NY – Record labels have entered an unprecedented legal dispute with music streaming services over royalties owed for hidden tracks reportedly composed by the “unpaid labor” of phantom spirits haunting recording studios. This move follows allegations by the American Association of Record Executives (AARE) that streaming platforms have failed to compensate for what…
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Former Brexit Figurehead Accidentally Summons Ancient Sea Spirit During AI Rap Battle on Clacton Pier
Clacton-on-Sea, UK – In a surprising twist of digital recreation gone awry, former Brexit figurehead and once-respected statesman Nigel Haverton inadvertently summoned an ancient sea spirit while attempting to engage in an AI-assisted rap battle during a casual gathering on Clacton Pier. Attending what was advertised as a “family-friendly fun day,” participants were astonished as…