Category: Corporate
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Economically Savvy Millennials Investing Heavily in Avocado Toast Futures
In a move that has shocked the financial world and possibly even ripened the Tour de France, millennials across the globe are investing heavily in the previously uncharted territory of avocado toast futures. This bold financial strategy, first seen on a blog championed by influencers who are adept at both twerking and trading, promises to…
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Local Man Heroically Battles Rising Cost of Living by Switching from Avocados to More Cost-Effective Gravel
In a commendable display of frugality and intestinal fortitude, local man Jonathan Frumps has declared victory over the inordinately surging cost of living by substituting his beloved avocados—a former staple of his chipotle-smeared lifestyle—with the significantly more economical option of gravel. For years, Frumps was an ardent devotee of the nutrient-rich, albeit financially draining, alligator…
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Local Man Achieves Spiritual Enlightenment, Immediately Sells Out with Self-Help Book Deal
In a monumental feat of existential perseverance, local resident Trevor Wistful has reportedly achieved spiritual enlightenment, a state of being revered by sages, monks, and now book publishers. Just moments after receiving the transcendent understanding of life’s deepest mysteries, Wistful found himself weighed down not by material desires, but rather by an overwhelming urge to…
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Local Man Shocked to Discover Favorite Small Business Also Legally Required to Pay Employees
In a shocking revelation that has sent ripples through the small business-loving community, local man and small business enthusiast Brad Jenkins was left flabbergasted upon discovering that his beloved mom-and-pop donut shop, “Timmy’s Tasty Treats,” is legally obligated to pay its employees for their work. This unsettling information came to light during a casual conversation…
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Local Man Proudly Declares Sixth Coffee of the Day “A Healthier Lifestyle Choice than Therapy”
In a groundbreaking declaration that has left the wellness community buzzing, local man Roger Simpkins proudly hailed his sixth cup of coffee as “a healthier lifestyle choice than therapy.” Roger, who considers himself an amateur coffee connoisseur and a professional office worker, made the self-congratulatory statement while jittering his way through another riveting meeting on…
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Local Man Finds Inner Peace After Learning to Ignore Own Gut Instincts
In a groundbreaking personal development that defies centuries of evolutionary programming, local man Brian Davison, 34, claims he has achieved unprecedented levels of inner peace by systematically ignoring every instinctive thought or feeling produced by his own gut. “This is the tranquility I’ve always been promised by wellness bloggers, harbingers of mindfulness, and self-appointed life…
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Local Man Discovers Inner Peace After Successfully Unsubscribing from Streaming Service’s Monthly Emails
In a breakthrough that promises to redefine societal concepts of tranquility, local resident Greg Simmons has reportedly achieved a state of profound inner peace, ambiance ordinarily reserved for mountaintop meditation retreats, simply by unsubscribing from the relentless monthly emails of a ubiquitous streaming service. Simmons, who until recently was grappling with the existential turmoil of…