Category: Bureaucracy
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Highway Department Experiments with Time Travel to Meet Infrastructure Deadlines, Accidentally Constructs Road to 1950
Albany, NY – In a landmark decision aimed at tackling the seemingly insurmountable challenge of meeting transport infrastructure deadlines, the New York State Highway Department has reportedly resorted to time travel. Officials announced that the novel approach inadvertently resulted in the construction of a direct road to the year 1950, complete with vintage gas pumps…
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Supreme Court Unveils New ‘Retro Justice’ Initiative, Launching All Cases Into Analog Limbo Until 2047
Washington, D.C. – In a bold step that experts are calling “profoundly anachronistic,” the Supreme Court announced its new “Retro Justice” initiative designed to bring a touch of nostalgia to modern jurisprudence. Beginning this week, all existing and future cases will be sent to a mysterious “Analog Limbo” until the year 2047, rendering justice conspicuously…
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U.S. Court System Hails Revolutionary Step Backward as Entire Legal Proceedings Transcribed onto Papyrus Scrolls
WASHINGTON, D.C. – In what officials are calling a “monumental leap backward,” the U.S. court system has announced a pivotal innovation in legal documentation: the transcription of all legal proceedings onto papyrus scrolls. This groundbreaking regression is expected to both confuse and delight the judicial community. According to Thomas Inkblot, spokesperson for the National Association…
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Department of Commerce Mistakenly Grants Tax-Free Status to Bizarre Market, Declares Artists Essential Infrastructure
Washington, D.C. – In an unprecedented move, the U.S. Department of Commerce has accidentally designated the Melodramatic Motorway Flea Market as an official tax-free establishment, inadvertently declaring artists as a form of essential infrastructure. Officials are scrambling to establish how this oversight occurred but have already acknowledged that the market, known for its eclectic collection…
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Federal Government Quietly Admits National Bird Is Actually A Pigeon In Elaborate Decades-Long Typographical Error
Washington D.C. – In a revelation that has sent ripples through both historical and ornithological communities, the federal government has announced, with characteristically understated fanfare, that the national bird of the United States was erroneously designated as the Bald Eagle in what officials describe as a “decades-long, deeply unfortunate typographical error.” The rightful avian representative,…
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Texas Legislature Accidentally Passes Law Requiring All Drivers to Carry Horse-Drawn Carriage Insurance
Austin, TX – The Texas legislature has inadvertently enacted a groundbreaking piece of legislation requiring all drivers within the state to carry insurance for horse-drawn carriages, a development that has left both drivers and equestrians equally bewildered. The legislative slip was reportedly the result of a printer glitch combined with a misplaced semicolon in a…
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Petrified Forest National Park Announces New Interactive Exhibit: ‘Experience Your Own Slow Descent Into Stone’
Holbrook, AZ – In a move that promises to expand both visitor engagement and existential dread, Petrified Forest National Park has unveiled its ground-breaking exhibit, “Experience Your Own Slow Descent Into Stone.” Park representatives say the initiative is part of a broader effort to bridge the increasingly narrow gap between humankind and our geological counterparts.…
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Congressional Committee Accidentally Declares Imaginary Pregnancy Robot a Citizen, Now Entitled to Run for Office
Washington, D.C. – In what is being described as a “minor legislative oversight,” a recent congressional committee inadvertently granted U.S. citizenship to an imaginary pregnancy robot during a routine filibuster about the future of artificial intelligence. Lawmakers remained unperturbed by this administrative error until it was discovered that this newly-minted citizen, referred to as “Gestation…
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New Ford Model Unveils ‘Dig Mode,’ Prompting Congress to Draft Emergency Legislation on Accidental Moles
DETROIT, MI – In a surprise move that could revolutionize backyard landscaping forever, Ford Motor Company has officially unveiled its latest vehicle feature: the long-rumored ‘Dig Mode’. Automakers hailed the innovation as a breakthrough, while lawmakers raced to control the sudden proliferation of underground tunnels crisscrossing beneath residential neighborhoods. The ‘Dig Mode’, available exclusively on…
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Gambian Government Unveils New Policy to Repurpose Unsold Tractors as Temporary Ministers
Banjul, The Gambia – In an unprecedented move aimed at addressing both surplus and deficit, the Gambian government has proudly announced a groundbreaking policy to convert unsold tractors into provisional ministers. This new initiative, heralded as a “landmark in agricultural-bureaucratic synergy,” seeks to resolve the nation’s growing inventory of unused farm equipment while simultaneously filling…