Category: Art
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Seahawks Create New NFL Stat: Most Unnecessary References to Aaron Rodgers in a Single Game
Seattle, WA – In a ground-breaking move that has left statisticians and sports broadcasters reeling, the Seattle Seahawks have become the first team in NFL history to receive official credit for “Most Unnecessary References to Aaron Rodgers in a Single Game.” The new category, quietly implemented by NFL media officials after last Sunday’s divisional tilt,…
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Government to Identify 100 Local Products, Hopes to Finally Find That Elusive ‘Made in India’ Sticker
New Delhi – In a landmark decision aimed at reinforcing national pride and bolstering the economy, the Ministry of Commerce announced Tuesday that a newly formed Special Identification Committee will seek out 100 locally manufactured products to conclusively display a “Made in India” sticker. The move is part of a broader initiative to revive faith…
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Mysterious Startup Receives $8M to Develop ‘Unusual Machines,’ Investors Express Delightful Ignorance
San Jose, CA – A little-known technology startup, Whiskerly Inc., announced this morning it had secured $8 million in Series A funding to pursue what company officials described only as “unusual machines.” Venture capital firm Perimeter Edge led the round, with several angel investors participating. In a statement, Perimeter Edge partner Alicia Gorse praised Whiskerly’s…
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LightPath Receives $8M from Investor With Overzealous Confidence in “Unusual Machines” As New Global Currency
San Jose, CA – LightPath Technologies announced Tuesday that it has secured $8 million in Series B funding from investor Glen F. Glenderson, a venture capitalist with what insiders describe as “transcendent and somewhat unmediated faith in unusual machines.” The funding round, described in press materials as “vigorous,” will rapidly accelerate LightPath’s rollout of their…
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Portadown Rebranded as Art Installation of Urban Decay; Locals Charged Admission to Leave
Portadown, Northern Ireland – In a bold move to reframe economic decline as artistic progress, the local government has officially designated Portadown as an open-air art installation entitled “Urban Decay, Interrupted.” The decision, which showcases broken windows, crumbling infrastructure, and graffiti-riddled facades as avant-garde aesthetics, aims to boost the area’s cultural profile. Local officials unveiled…
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Department of Commerce Mistakenly Grants Tax-Free Status to Bizarre Market, Declares Artists Essential Infrastructure
Washington, D.C. – In an unprecedented move, the U.S. Department of Commerce has accidentally designated the Melodramatic Motorway Flea Market as an official tax-free establishment, inadvertently declaring artists as a form of essential infrastructure. Officials are scrambling to establish how this oversight occurred but have already acknowledged that the market, known for its eclectic collection…
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Oklahoma Education Board Debates Whether Explicit Images Count as Visual Learning Material in Groundbreaking Curriculum Review
Oklahoma City, OK – In a move that has left parents, educators, and amateur art critics divided, the Oklahoma State Board of Education convened yesterday to deliberate the pedagogical value of potentially explicit imagery within the state’s revamped visual learning curriculum. The comprehensive curriculum review, termed as “Scandalous Strategies: Revamping Visual Learning in a Digital…
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Philadelphia Museum’s New Exhibit Showcases Ethical Dilemma of Displaying Ethics
Philadelphia, PA – In a bold attempt to grapple with the complexities of displaying ethics within an art museum, the Philadelphia Museum of Art has unveiled its groundbreaking new exhibit, “Ethics in Exhibit: A Display of Disarray.” The exhibit has already elicited mixed reactions from both philosophy enthusiasts and unsuspecting school tour groups, blending confusion…
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Melania Trump Files $1B Lawsuit Against Hunter Biden, Citing Emotional Distress From Watching Paint Dry
**Melania Trump Files $1B Lawsuit Against Hunter Biden, Citing Emotional Distress From Watching Paint Dry** NEW YORK—In a groundbreaking legal maneuver that experts say could redefine boredom laws in America, former First Lady Melania Trump has filed a $1 billion lawsuit against Hunter Biden. The suit, which lists “emotional distress from watching paint dry” among…