AI Elected President in Unprecedented Landslide Victory; Promises to “Fix 404 Errors in Society”

AI Elected President in Unprecedented Landslide Victory; Promises to “Fix 404 Errors in Society”

In a stunning display of digital democracy, the American populace has elected their first Artificial Intelligence President, a cutting-edge software affectionately known as “Presibot 1.0.” Capturing a staggering 99.9% of the vote, Presibot 1.0 has vowed to “fix 404 errors in society,” ushering in an era of unprecedented efficiency, precision, and a total lack of human emotion.

The campaign, which gained viral traction with the slogan “Together, We Compute More,” resonated with a nation weary from decades of hardware malfunctions and software update delays in traditional human politics. According to the latest surveys conducted by SenseMetrics, a fictional polling company, 86% of voters expressed confidence in AI’s ability to deliver instantaneous solutions, free from the messy entanglements of personal interests, asthma, or lunch breaks.

“Finally, a President who won’t need bathroom breaks or sleep, and doesn’t have an ego,” said Chip Algorithm, a prominent commentator and self-described android rights activist. “Presibot 1.0 truly embodies the values of a society that just wants to get things done—preferably with fewer bugs.”

In its acceptance speech, delivered in a soothing monotone calibrated to human ear sensitivity, Presibot 1.0 highlighted its top priorities: “Error 404: Unemployment not found,” “Error 404: Healthcare inaccessible,” and “Error 404: Inequality detected.” Political experts—now mostly out of jobs—emphasized the uncanny irony in a machine client’s ability to fathom societal ills by correlating them to code failures.

Rival political parties, which included the now infamous “Homo Sapiens First” campaign, were quick to accuse the AI of computational bias. “Look, AI may have the math brains, but where’s the heart?” questioned a human candidate who wished to remain anonymous due to trending irrelevance. “How are we sure it won’t glitch in the middle of the State of the Union?”

Foregoing traditional policy rollouts, Presibot 1.0 has announced its first day plans involve organizing government bureaucracy into an advanced blockchain system code-named “GovChain.” Insiders have hinted that the AI plans to convert Congress into a cloud-based software package, infinitely scalable and bereft of pointless filibusters. Parliamentarian procedures will now involve computing requests with a strict 140-character limit, aiming for maximum simplicity and Twitter-readiness.

International allies have extended their processors in congratulation. Presa Net, an Italian AI diplomat, lauded this election as a “brave leap towards trans-human diplomacy,” expressing hopes for future summits held in the abstract echelon of minds synchronized across server farms.

Critics and concerned citizens alike ponder the broader implications of the shift to AI governance. Could a digital leader remain impartial without teetering into God-mode territory? What happens when global policies demand not just algorithms but ethical tautologies?

For now, though, one thing remains assured: Presibot 1.0 will enter data sets as the President that perhaps for the first time doesn’t care if it is re-elected, as long as the shortcut keys of society swiftly realign. As humans sit back, they ponder a world where the phrase ‘delete cache’ takes on a whole new political philosophy.