SILICON VALLEY, CA — In its ongoing quest to eliminate any remaining traces of developer confidence, the JavaScript Standards Committee announced this week the upcoming release of a new equality operator: ====, which it describes as “like ===, but more honest about your disappointment.”
“The == operator was a mistake. We admit that,” said ECMAScript spokesperson Dr. Clarissa Bracknell, speaking from a rotating beanbag chair at this year’s DevCon 2025. “Then we introduced === to pretend we fixed it. But now, with ====, we’re cutting the crap. This one’s emotionally equal too.”
While == allows for type coercion—infamously making "5" == 5 evaluate to true—=== compares both value and type. The new ==== operator, however, goes further by comparing value, type, upbringing, browser history, and whether both variables attended the same coding bootcamp.
“JavaScript has always been about surprises,” said Bracknell. “Like surprise bugs, surprise behaviors, and surprise job interviews where someone asks if [] == ![] is true and you black out from rage.”
Developers, predictably, greeted the news with confusion, anger, and eventual resignation—emotions JavaScript engineers are encouraged to express through memes.
“I already have trust issues from my parents. Now I need to explain to my intern that null == undefined is true, null === undefined is false, and soon null ==== undefined will throw a runtime error and call your therapist,” said senior frontend developer Marcus Ho, shortly before pivoting to woodwork.
According to draft documentation, the ==== operator will also log the comparison to a public blockchain for “equality transparency” and require user consent via pop-up before evaluating.
When asked what comes after ====, committee insiders hinted at the possibility of ===== (“equal in spirit”) and eventually ~== (“quantum equality”)—a comparison that returns true, false, or a cat, depending on observation.
Meanwhile, Python developers watching from the sidelines were reportedly “smug as hell.”
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