TOLEDO, OH — After months of relentless teenage ridicule via the phrase “Ok, Boomer,” local cashier Bob Boomer finally had enough. In an effort to evade the viral taunts, he legally changed his name—only to discover that his new name had, somehow, already gone viral.
“I just wanted peace,” said the 52-year-old, now legally named Skibidi Sigma. “Turns out the day I finalized the paperwork was also the day some YouTuber made a remix of Andrew Tate doing the gritty while yelling my new name.”
Boomer—sorry, Sigma—initially considered a neutral name like James Smith, but felt that was “too common and also already being roasted in some Roblox servers.” Instead, he consulted a name generator that promised “maximum un-memeability.”
The result: Skibidi Sigma, a name the generator said was “guaranteed to be meaningless.” Within 24 hours of the change, it was trending on TikTok with the hashtag #SkibidiSigmaChallenge, featuring teens doing somersaults into fast food drive-thrus while reciting AI-generated affirmations.
“Every time I try to escape, the memes find me,” Sigma sighed. “I’m just a guy who bags groceries. Why am I being lore-dumped on Reddit?”
Undeterred, he filed paperwork for yet another name change—to Greg Normalman, hoping for a quiet, uneventful existence at last.
At press time, Normalman was answering questions from his newfound cult followers, who believe he is the prophesied “CEO of Being Chill.”
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