SEATTLE, WA — In its latest attempt to ensure same-day delivery, Amazon has unveiled Prime Eternal, a new tombstone-side delivery service allowing deceased Prime members to continue receiving packages post-mortem. The service, already in beta testing across select cemeteries in Florida and Arizona, promises to bring “unprecedented convenience to the permanently stationary.”
According to Amazon spokesperson Kendra Blythe, the idea emerged after the company noticed a spike in undelivered items due to sudden customer mortality.
“Our data showed that roughly 2.3% of Prime subscribers were dying mid-checkout,” said Blythe. “We realized we were losing a valuable demographic—namely, the recently deceased with unfinished wish lists.”
Under the program, bereaved families can opt into Prime Eternal by selecting a headstone from Amazon’s new “Afterlife Essentials” category. Each tombstone includes a solar-powered QR code, enabling delivery drones to scan and drop packages directly onto the grave. Packages are wrapped in biodegradable materials “out of respect for both the environment and the inevitable.”
When Death Comes Between You and Your Package
One major logistical challenge Prime Eternal addresses is what Amazon calls “post-shipment mortality events”—customers who die after placing an order but before it arrives. Rather than rerouting the package or canceling the delivery, Amazon now offers the “Final Fulfillment Protocol,” which uses obituaries, GPS data, and Ring doorbell silence thresholds to determine whether the recipient is still upright.
“If we detect no human movement, ambient noise, or Alexa commands for more than 48 hours, the order is auto-rerouted to the nearest affiliated grave,” explained Blythe. “That way, customers can still receive their phone charger, even if they’ve moved on to a higher plane of existence—or just the backyard.”
According to internal testing, this new protocol has increased Amazon’s “Soul-to-Soil Delivery Accuracy” by 37%.
Service Details and Perks
For an additional $9.99/month (or $99 for eternity), members receive unlimited graveside delivery, posthumous Prime Video access, and the right to one post-death return per fiscal quarter. Eligible items include books, urn accessories, scented dirt, and “coffin-compatible tech,” like Alexa-enabled Ouija boards.
“Why should death be the end of two-day shipping?” asked Blythe. “This is about legacy. About ensuring that Grandpa gets that humidifier he forgot to order before choking on a chicken nugget.”
Industry analysts say the move is a natural next step in Amazon’s mission to fulfill customer needs before they even articulate them—or after they stop articulating anything altogether.
“It’s brilliant,” said futurist and part-time medium Dr. Sondra Quayle. “People are dying to stay connected. Amazon is just giving them one last unskippable ad for Prime.”
Mixed Reception in the Afterlife
While some families have embraced the service—“It brings us peace knowing Nana finally got her Himalayan salt lamp,” said one Miami resident—others question the ethics of monetizing mortality.
Civil rights groups have expressed concern that Amazon may use gravestones as ad space, citing a leaked mock-up showing a tombstone engraved with “Here Lies Larry, But First, Try Audible.”
In response, Amazon pledged that Prime Eternal will only include “tasteful, contextually sensitive advertising,” such as digital epitaphs like, “She believed in miracles—and next-day delivery.”
Coming Soon: Prime Resurrection?
Sources inside Amazon’s R&D lab, NecroLabs, confirm the company is also exploring a “Prime Resurrection” program, which would use drone-mounted defibrillators to reanimate recently deceased Prime members for up to 24 hours—just enough time to complete a return or leave a review.
At press time, Jeff Bezos was reportedly overseeing a test delivery to his future cryogenic capsule, where he awaits the invention of immortality—or a same-day time machine.
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