Politicians Pledge to Speed Up Slow Process of Making Decisions Slowly

In a groundbreaking move, lawmakers have vowed to expedite the notoriously sluggish process of decision-making, promising to complete their deliberations on the matter of accelerating decision timelines by the end of the decade. The decision to hasten the slow process of making decisions slowly was reached after a comprehensive five-year study concluded that decisions made slowly suffer from a lack of pace. The study, conducted by the Institute of Temporal Governance, found that the average time taken to decide on the most effective ways to speed up decisions is approximately double the time taken to make the actual decisions themselves.

Dr. Martha Idleman, a leading expert on bureaucratic inertia at the National Institute of Procrastination Studies, was optimistic about the new initiative, stating, “By committing to hasten our decision-making process, we are making a decision to make decisions about making decisions more efficiently.” The government has established a special committee to oversee the acceleration of decision-making processes, which will meet bi-annually to review progress and reevaluate their decision to hasten decisions. This committee itself was formed after a prolonged period of indecision on whether such a committee was necessary.

Critics argue that the real issue lies not in the speed of decision-making, but in the decision to prioritize the slow process of making decisions slowly over more pressing matters. Despite this, the pledge has been met with broad support from those who believe that the solution to slow decision-making lies in making swift decisions about how to make slow decisions faster. Meanwhile, a new subcommittee has been proposed to explore the possibility of establishing further subcommittees to streamline the decision-making process.

At press time, the committee had decided to postpone their next meeting until a future date, citing the need for more time to deliberate on the optimal time to meet and discuss the acceleration of decision-making timelines.