McDonald’s Expands Happy Meal Line with “I’m Puffin’ It” THC Vape Edition

McDonald’s Expands Happy Meal Line with “I’m Puffin’ It” THC Vape Edition
Company Says It’s Just Meeting Customers Where Their Munchies Are

CHICAGO — In a bold move that combines America’s favorite pastimes of fast food and mild intoxication, McDonald’s announced today the nationwide launch of its newest Happy Meal variant: the “I’m Puffin’ It” THC Vape Edition.

The new offering features a child-sized meal, a collectible toy, and a sleek, limited-edition vape pen preloaded with 10mg of McDonald’s proprietary “McKush™” cannabis oil. According to corporate spokespeople, the initiative is part of the company’s push to remain “culturally relevant and legally adjacent.”

“We’re not just feeding cravings — we’re causing them,” said McDonald’s Chief Innovation Officer Bryce Chilton, while casually exhaling a dense puff of what smelled vaguely like Grimace. “As more states legalize recreational cannabis, we saw a real opportunity to integrate the pre-snack with the snack in one seamless, inhalable ecosystem.”

Each “I’m Puffin’ It” meal comes in psychedelic packaging and includes a free toy from the new Stoned Squad™ collection, featuring reimagined McDonaldland characters like Baked Hamburglar, High-as-Hell Grimace, and Mayor McCheese Paranoia Edition. Kids — or, more accurately, “deeply nostalgic adults in their 30s with disposable income and fewer reasons to care anymore” — can collect all eight while supplies last.

A New High in Fast Food Innovation

The THC-infused Happy Meal is part of a larger trend in what industry analysts are calling “fast food pharmacology” — a competitive strategy where restaurants infuse menu items with mood-altering substances to enhance brand loyalty and suppress the urge to read nutrition labels.

“It’s a brilliant business model,” said Dr. Fiona Beltrane, professor of Corporate Ethics and Ironic Studies at Yale. “You create the demand, deliver the supply, and keep customers too stoned to remember they already ordered six times on the app.”

McDonald’s says the vape cartridges are responsibly dosed and engineered with “child-resistant, adult-irresponsible” safety features. When asked about the risk of children accessing the product, Chilton noted that the vapes are sold only in designated “High Chairs” located in McDonald’s 21+ lounges — formerly PlayPlaces — which now feature lava lamps, beanbags, and a quiet guy named Trevor who swears he’s “just between apartments.”

Regulatory Concerns Go Up in Smoke

Although the FDA has not officially approved the product, it did issue a statement saying it is “too exhausted to deal with this right now.”

Meanwhile, Colorado and California have already reported a spike in drive-thru wait times, with some patrons reportedly taking 45 minutes just to remember why they pulled in.

“I came here for fries, then I vaped a little, then I started talking to a seagull in the parking lot,” said Evan Trillman, 28, after placing an order for “whatever my car wants.”

McDonald’s insists the product is meant to be enjoyed responsibly and that all vape Happy Meals will come with a complementary bag of Cheetos, a meditation playlist, and a legal waiver printed in Comic Sans.

Coming Soon: The “Big Macrodose”

If successful, McDonald’s says it may explore future collaborations with the psilocybin industry, including a psychedelic Happy Meal tentatively titled “Big Macrodose: Taste the Infinite.”

“We’re not saying your cheeseburger will speak to you,” said Chilton, “but we’re also not not saying that.”

The company is also reportedly in talks with Elon Musk’s Neuralink to create a drive-thru interface that beams your order directly into your brain’s impulse center, bypassing both logic and dignity.