In a groundbreaking move that has baffled both political analysts and his immediate family, local man Benjamin “Benji” Thompson has boldly declared his intention to willfully ignore reality for the remainder of the election season. The announcement was made from his living room recliner, where he has been cultivating a fortress of ignorance fortified by snacks and buffering Wi-Fi.
Thompson, a self-proclaimed “connoisseur of selective oblivion,” shared his plan at a neighborhood barbecue, sparking excitement among fellow attendees—at least, those who were still sober enough to understand his diction. “I just feel like reality has been grossly overrated,” Thompson asserted, gesturing with a half-eaten corn dog. “Why confront the chaos of the outside world when I can immerse myself in a blissful concoction of Netflix reruns and deep-fried nostalgia?”
Political strategists have expressed interest in Thompson’s approach, hinting at its potential as a revolutionary tactic in voter engagement, or lack thereof. “Ignoring reality always sounded like a pipe dream,” said Dr. Teresa Labelle, Professor of Political Apathy at the University of Indifference. “But here we have a groundbreaking model of contentment that could double as a new political party—or at least a sponsored content opportunity.”
Impressively, Thompson has already taken significant steps to perfect his method of ignorance. Sources close to the situation reveal that Thompson canceled all alerts on his phone related to news apps, instead opting for notifications from recipe blogs dedicated to gourmet popcorn. He reportedly used this culinary prowess to attract friends into joining his ‘Reality Resistance Movement,’ which currently boasts a membership of three—and two are dubious.
“I’ve never felt freer,” Thompson exclaimed, as he skillfully avoided eye contact with yet another debate highlight reel that blazed across a friend’s television. “No more doomscrolling. Just scrolling through streaming options. It’s my delete button on all negativity.”
His supporters are quick to praise the simplicity and peace of the Thompson Doctrine. “It’s kind of genius, really,” noted Elaine Dorfman, a neighbor who claims she accidentally wandered into the group. “The rest of us are combing through fact and fiction trying to make sense of it all, and here’s Benji showing us another way. It’s like he’s transcended politics, almost to the level of… what’s it called when you just don’t care?”
Critics, of course, continue to question the long-term viability of a lifestyle devoted to ignoring reality, but Thompson remains unfazed. Speaking directly with The Fraudulent Times via time-delayed email, he quipped, “When reality becomes too implausible, ignorance is bliss—or at least a well-cushioned sofa.”
As the election season rolls on and tensions rise higher than gas prices, Benji Thompson confidently flips the channel of life to a rerun of his choice. And in a political arena bursting with contentious debates and volatile discourse, one man finds solace wrapped in fleece pajamas, triumphantly isolated… from everything.
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