ALBANY, NY – In a bold move aimed at tapping into the deep well of political nostalgia, Trump Mobile has launched a new series of smartphones pre-installed with the iconic text messages that defined the 2016 Presidential Election. Marketed as “The Winning Tech,” the devices promise users a unique journey back to a simpler time, filled with Russian collusion theories and locker room talk.
According to company president and former Doctor of Trumpological Studies at the University of Captain America, Dr. Lex Cluviford, the new product stands to revolutionize both telecommunications and historical revisionism fields simultaneously. “The Trump Mobile 2016 Edition captures America’s Golden Age of Texts,” Cluviford commented. “Our phones bring back the vital conversations that made America question democracy in a way it never thought possible. We believe users will welcome the chance to relive every boisterous tweet and casual backpedal with the tap of a screen.”
Each phone comes with a comprehensive library of pre-loaded 2016 messages, including the notorious “covfefe” incident, numerous FBI leaks, and the infamous “grab them by the pussy” recording, brilliantly reimagined as emoticons. According to data from the Frivolous Technology Agency, these phones are anticipated to spike nationwide nostalgia, rivaling even the Beanie Baby Recollections of 2020.
In addition to the texts, each device also comes equipped with the “Alternative Facts” app, allowing users to generate their version of the truth in three simple steps. Sources within the company suggest this feature was created in response to the rising demand for self-tailored reality packages among the disenfranchised electorate demographic.
Unintended consequences have already been noted, as several high-ranking government officials reportedly attempted to use these nostalgic devices for official communication. Secretary of Urban Infrastructure Norris Crumpleperson was quoted as saying, “I didn’t realize it was just a prop. It looked so Presidential; I thought I’d finally found a way to solve potholes with patriotic rhetoric!”
Despite these hiccups, Trump Mobile maintains that the phones could transform digital communication integration at the family dinner table. An independent survey conducted by the Institute of Unnecessary Statistics reveals that 85% of respondents believe the phones will reduce awkward Thanksgiving political debates, as relatives are expected to remain engrossed in reliving past controversies via the preloaded text threads.
In conclusion, as historians ponder whether this initiative marks the beginning of “text archaeology,” ordinary citizens appear ready to embrace this journey into the reminiscent landscape of 2016. As Dr. Cluviford succinctly summarized, “Our phones are not just devices; they are time portals to moments we’d love to endlessly replay, for better or worse.”
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