Senator Files Emergency Legislation After Realizing His Own Reflection Represents Diversity He Fears

Washington, D.C. – In a groundbreaking discovery that has sent shockwaves through the political community, Senator Clyde Haversham of Idaho has filed emergency legislation in response to a startling encounter with his own reflection, which he claims represents the very diversity he has long opposed. The incident occurred early Tuesday morning in the Senator’s private bathroom while he was preparing to attend an important meeting on the Senate floor. Sources report witnessing him emerge from the quarters visibly shaken and muttering phrases about “multicultural mosaics” and “the end of demographic integrity.” Senator Haversham immediately convened an urgent press conference to announce his intention to introduce a new bill aimed at limiting the proliferation of reflections in government buildings across the nation. The proposal, dubbed the “Reflective Reduction Act,” would aim to curb what he describes as “the unsettling rise of optical illusions distorting American values.” “I was horrified to see that my reflection contained a wide array of shades and shadows, seemingly representative of the diversity I have always been wary of,” Senator Haversham stated. “This experience has opened my eyes to the insidious infiltration of reflections into the hallowed halls of our government institutions.” Experts have been quick to weigh in on the unprecedented event. Dr. Ophelia Glassmire, Professor of Reflectology at the Imaginary Institute of Optical Sciences, commented, “The senator’s revelation highlights a critical need for awareness around how reflections create a heterogeneity that may not align with some people’s perceived reality. It is a fascinating intersection of optics and existential threat.” In support of his bill, Haversham shared statistics from his own “Committee for Unvisible Government Spaces,” hot off the presses: an astounding 97% of politicians with reflective surfaces in their offices report feeling challenged by the unexpected presence of perceived diversity. A parallel survey shockingly reveals these same politicians are 63% more likely to propose similarly structured legislation. The proposal’s bold measures would include a ban on reflective surfaces in federal buildings, substantial penalties for unreported mirrors within 500 feet of a government official, and a regulation mandating dull, matte finishes on all public property to ensure consistency in appearance. Public reaction has been varied. Margo Lensworth, the chair of the Reflection Liberation Coalition, expressed her concern, “This bill is regressive and only compounds the challenges we face in accepting the reflection diversity that already exists in America.” The Reflective Reduction Act is expected to face serious opposition in Congress. However, proponents argue that immediate action is required to protect the integrity of spaces they fear are becoming too reflective of a reality they are neither prepared for nor willing to acknowledge. As of press time, Senator Haversham was reportedly seen practicing his glares in a tin foil-covered bathroom. When asked for further comment, he stated resolutely, “I will not yield to the forces of reflection and refraction. America deserves spaces that reflect only the parts we agree on, whatever they may be.” The world awaits with bated breath to see if Senator Haversham’s bold legislative endeavor will alter the reflective landscape of federal buildings or merely remain a footnote in the annals of unintentional self-awareness.