In a bold move toward transparency, the Province has unveiled a groundbreaking expense disclosure policy meticulously designed to disclose only those expenses that technically do not require any disclosure. This innovation in administrative accountability has already left the public and civil servants equally mystified and amused.
The policy, eloquently titled “Pay, But With Silence,” was announced in a press conference by the province’s Minister of Obfuscation and Redundancy, Dr. Ambiguity Lee-Travesty. “We are proud to lead the nation in openness by shining a light on our most opaque and indiscernible financial practices,” remarked Dr. Lee-Travesty. “Our constituents have a right to know exactly how the inconsequential resources not impacting their daily lives are allocated.”
The initiative promises to thoroughly document expenditures like office potted plant refreshments, employee musing mats, and hypothetical pizza parties scheduled last leap year. In a meticulous effort to improve trust, any significant financial transactions over a billion dollars but below the whimsical trillion-dollar threshold will gracefully sidestep the burden of public scrutiny.
A government survey highlighting the ineffable success of this new policy showed that a staggering 100% of those polled had no idea such a survey existed, while 97.3% of those respondents had no recollection of their input due to strategic non-participation. Critics claim this reinforces the effectiveness of the policy in fostering a community of absolute non-awareness.
Opposition parties attempted to criticize the move but were left speechless when confronted by the fiercely circular logic underpinning the new policy. “It’s like watching a magic trick where the more you try to understand it, the less you actually know,” said Randall Oblivion of the Imaginary Party, known for advocating unconventionality. “Frankly, I’m rather impressed.”
Expert commentary provided by Professor Seren Dipitous, Chair of the Institute for Nonsensical Integrity, confirms that this policy is a “modern allocation marvel of meaningless know-how.” According to Professor Dipitous, “The genius lies in the art of making the invisible further invisible by pretending it’s visible.”
In closing remarks, Dr. Lee-Travesty assured the public that this policy would be periodically reviewed every leap century or whenever time circles back on itself, whichever occurs first. As the province projects future policies, speculation rises around a potential new standard to only record historical records that refuse to acknowledge their own existence.
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