**Congress Accidentally Approves AI-Penned Bill Mandating All Speeches Be Delivered in Pig Latin by 2025**
In a move that has left lawmakers and constituents equally perplexed, the United States Congress has inadvertently ratified a bill requiring all public speeches nationwide to be delivered exclusively in Pig Latin by the year 2025. The legislation, mysteriously dubbed the “Oral Communication Optimization Act,” slipped through the legislative process unnoticed, a testament to the efficiency of recently implemented AI-generated legislative tools.
Capitol Hill insiders report that the error occurred when Congress introduced a series of new artificial intelligence protocols to assist overburdened staffers in drafting and reviewing bills with enhanced efficiency. The system, programmed to generate legislative proposals based on linguistic improbabilities, seemingly took creative liberties.
“It was truly a glitch,” admitted Senator Francis Glibbins, who has spearheaded the new AI integration. “I mean, I didn’t even know Pig Latin was still a thing outside of elementary schools. It’s remarkable how this bill was sneakily disguised among several other high-priority legislative items,” he noted while hurriedly practicing his Pig Latin to deliver an official apology.
The bipartisan shock has taken Washington by storm, with politicians and pundits alike scrambling to comprehend the ramifications. A recent survey conducted by the Center for Elective Decision-Making Research showed that 67% of American politicians are now taking Pig Latin crash courses, while the remaining 33% are reportedly still trying to download the translation app on their phones.
“It is, indeed, one of those rare occasions where political functionality meets whimsical absurdity,” remarked Dr. Scribulus Quibble, a Senior Professor of Linguistic Anomalies at the Institute for Language Aberrations. “Pig Latin, or as scholars may refer to it, ‘Latinway Igpay,’ represents a fascinating cultural return to the nonsensical rhetorical practices of yesteryear.”
The news has also given rise to a host of lobbying groups, each with distinct, albeit peculiar, agendas. “I believe in the potential of this legislation to unify our speech patterns in unnecessary complexity,” stated Rhonda Tipple, president of the Pig Latin Preservation Society. “Where others see bureaucratic mishap, we see opportunity.”
Perhaps the most striking response has come from within the walls of academia. The National Association of Elocutionary Educators is reportedly revamping public speaking courses nationwide. By 2025, they aim to ensure fluency in what experts are now dubbing “an unforeseen lingual renaissance.”
Despite the looming deadline, the nation’s leadership is determined to turn embarrassment into empowerment. A task force has been formed to oversee the language transition, promising rigorous implementation. However, as bureaucratic tradition dictates, the panel is comprised exclusively of officials who possess questionable fluency in Pig Latin.
As the clock ticks toward 2025, Americans are bracing for a brave new world where speeches will sound as if they come from characters in a children’s game. As one anonymous official was overheard lamenting in an all-too-early attempt at adaptation, “It’say onetagonnabay ootay outlaway ustray oway ickerstay ithway ethay olday ideaay.”
In a development much like the bill itself, the closing sentiment for many remains the same: Let’s just hope this was a one-time legislative mishap, or Congress might accidentally mandate that every national holiday be celebrated with mandatory game of Hopscotch by 2030.
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