Billionaire Sues Universe For Defamation After Discovering Life Is Just Elaborate Game Of Telephone

**Billionaire Sues Universe For Defamation After Discovering Life Is Just Elaborate Game Of Telephone**

In an unprecedented legal action, billionaire industrialist Hugh B. Richmore has filed a lawsuit against the universe itself, citing large-scale defamation after allegedly discovering that all of existence is merely an elaborate game of Telephone conducted by cosmic beings with “abysmal communicative competency.”

According to Richmore, who claims to have found a “cosmic operator’s manual” in an ancient cereal box collection, the universe is actually governed by a series of whispered miscommunications passed among interdimensional entities since the dawn of creation. The result, he asserts, has been the gradual tarnishing of his personal brand and net worth.

“No one likes being the punchline of a cosmic misunderstanding,” Richmore declared at a press conference, standing firm amidst perplexed reporters and eager lawyers. “When I invested in the Technicolor DreamCattle Project, I expected returns, not mooing rainbows that eroded confidence in my fiscal savvy.”

The lawsuit, which lists the universe as the primary defendant with the Milky Way Galaxy relegated as co-defendant number one, has sent ripples through the legal community—not least because of the unique jurisdictional challenges it presents. “The universe has yet to respond through any official earthly legal channels,” commented legal expert Dr. Sue B. Logical. “But we anticipate a plea of universal sovereignty.”

Richmore has outlined his demands clearly: a public cosmic retraction aired over every conceivable wavelength in the cosmos, alongside a compensatory black hole filled with dark matter stock options.

The alleged cosmic game of Telephone has reportedly resulted in a number of personal grievances for the billionaire. For instance, his ambition to create a teleportation device was thwarted when universal whispers translated it into “tapioca relocation,” resulting in several thousand tons of pudding mysteriously appearing on his doorstep.

Data from a recent survey conducted by the Galactic Institute for Cosmic Whispering confirms that at least 73% of human actions are misinterpreted by the universe as either dance routines or avant-garde culinary experiments. “Attempting to control public perception is like trying to staple water to a cactus,” says Ralph Soddington, spokesperson for the Galactic Institute.

Some locals from Richmore’s hometown of Prudentia, Nebraska, have reacted with bemusement at the lawsuit. Evelyn Haggerstone, owner of The Cosmic Bean Café, opined, “He always did take cosmic alignment seriously. But if life really were a giant game of Telephone, I suspect my coffee wouldn’t still taste of existential ennui.”

Attorney General Cosmic-Dave has not issued a comment, citing the fact that the universe, as a concept, currently lacks a fixed mailing address.

The case is set to be heard in the acclaimed courtroom of popular opinion, pending the jury’s comprehension of non-linear, pan-dimensional jurisprudence. Until a resolution is reached, Richmore remains committed to his singular truth: if the universe defames you, you must litigate—preferably in an alternate reality where these things make a lick of sense.